Gutted

Well today’s blog post was supposed to come to you all from the beautiful Gower coast. But thanks to a faulty air flow thingy we are back at home gutted that we won’t be visiting the sea anytime soon.

To be perfectly honest it could be worse but right now it doesn’t feel like it.

I have sad kids and a broken minibus so all is simply not great right now.

It’s been a hard 6 months with family issues, Eden’s diagnoses and my health worries so we all so needed this break.

I was so looking forward to recharging my batteries from the sea and my kids were looking forward to just being kids.

So right now we are all feeling pretty low.

Grateful that we all managed to get home safe and sound.

But gutted as we all really needed a break.

So ironically we are broken like the minibus.

Life buoy please

Every time I visit my daughters grave I feel a little more wrecked inside. The pieces that were starting to heal shatter again.

Will it ever get easier?

Why do I have to visit my daughter at her grave?

Why is laying flowers the only thing I can do for her now?

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I’m angry today

It feels so unfair

So unjust

When there is so much evil in the world why did we have to lose such innocence?

I know it’s crazy but somedays I can ride the sea of grief but today I am drowning.

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Image courtesy of Victor Habbick at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Anyone have a life buoy?

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Image courtesy of cbenjasuwan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My wet memory making week in Weston

So now I’m home and finally beginning to warm up again I can share my week in wet Weston super mare.

To be honest considering the weather was dismal we did have some fun moments but my goodness at times it was so very cold.

We got to visit a local Orchard and sample some of their sweet cider.

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Visit the new Weston pier, which to be honest I felt didn’t have the same character as the old one. To me it was just a walk way to amusement hell.

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Though the views off the pier were stunning.

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We got take our dog for his first dip in the sea and even he thought it was too cold.

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Of course we had the family posing moments.

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We also got to have a wonderful lunch  at the seafront Belvedere bar club & Terrace the fish was simply yummy. I really recommend trying it out if you are ever in Weston.

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The girls also had to try out the rides.

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So as I said it was wet, it was cold but we were together as a family.

Making memories.

 

 

 

A peaceful few days

It’s so peaceful here in South Wales it’s such a uncommercialized area, just beauty in the natural as God created it.

I confess I really don’t wish to go home. I’m at peace in such a way I havent felt for what seems such a long time.

Years ago when we first got married Alan and I had considered packing up and moving away to somewhere like this, but I think the fear of the unknown stopped us and of course the need to be where the jobs was.

Do I regret our decision to be honest I don’t know, with Livvys health issues it was nice knowing that an ambulance could be at our door in less than 10 minutes and that a fantastic children’s hospital was a 30 minute journey away.

Would I move here now?

I don’t think so I’m not sure my girls will be happy to give up the life they have known, the schools, the friends the boyfriends and I’m not sure I could live Livvy’s grave even though I know she isn’t there.

I have really enjoyed my week at the beach and I know my youngest would move in a shot, we have discovered she is a real surfer chick but life here full time would be different.

Maybe if we win the lottery a move may happen or at least a holiday cottage.

Never have I felt so relaxed but i do wonder if I would have been so calm if the teens were with me. Besides a few autistic melt downs it’s been so peaceful and having no one tell me that I am ruining their lives has done me good for a few days.

Oh well all good things come to an end. Homeward bound tomorrow then the evening will bring the return of the monsters we call teenage daughters.

I may have missed them a little but I sure after they have been home an hour I will feel different.

The joys of parenting.

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Home sweet home

What a blissful, few days. We have just returned from a caravanning holiday in South Wales, Rhosselli and it’s been great. The sun was out for three perfect days where we got to sit on the beach, play in the sea and build sandcastles in the sand. The kids have laughed and played and also slept which was blissful by itself. We also got to spend some wonderful time with friends.

I have been struck by many things over the last week. Firstly I think we need to move by the Sea. The feeling of calm I get when I watch the ocean it just fills me with a peace I can’t find elsewhere. Just watching the waves energies my very soul.

Secondly I love the stars. One thing I dislike about living in a built up area is I never get to lie outside and look at the stars. Sitting outside on the campsite I got to chat to Brodie about the windows in heaven. Then as we just sat cuddling a shooting star flashed across the sky. A memory made forever with my baby.

There is also nothing more beautiful than standing watching the sun set over the ocean. For a long time as I stood there I felt heaven was within reach. That Livvy was at the end of my fingertips. I felt such harmony at the connection between heaven and earth.

So now I’m home with a caravan that needs cleaning, two big bags of washing and a new school year to get prepared for.

I’m glad to be back but I hope my inner peace will stay around for a while. If not I better start planning our move.

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