Tag Archives: peace

Connections

I was sitting down last night wishing I could tweet anonymously so I could be completely honest with the world. That I could stop pretending that everything is ok and just be true. But then I realised that the whole concept of hiding isn’t truth. 

Sometimes I find this world so hard to understand and to fathom. It’s as if people don’t want to see others happy and enjoy in hurting and harming. It often feels that the selfish need of one is always more important that the needs of many.

Maybe I am as I was once told too emphatic?

Maybe I need to find a way to switch of my compassion. Or maybe I just need to find a peace between my mind and the world.

Does that sound crazy? It could, but sometimes I feel as if I am from another planet. As if my connection to this world is weak and failing. 

Oh my goodness listen to me, connection to the world how far out do I sound. 

But let’s be honest, isn’t the connections we make in this world part of our own definition. We come into this world connected, a son or a daughter born to a mother and a father, connections. Are we a sibling, a niece and nephew. Connections form from the moment of birth without any really effort on our behalf. 

Inheritance of birth is connection

These connections are our foundation, what forms us. Whilst we may not follow or at times understand the beliefs, reasoning of our parents but it’s these connections that educate us to grow, to question.

Friendship forming new threads of connectivity within the world. School pals, work colleagues and so many more.

Some connections are brief and tenuous whilst others become lifelong and strong.

Yet every connection defines us in some way. The realisation that we are not alone in this world comes with what should be the realisation that we are also responsible for others.

Yet this is the internal struggle I am facing right now. The endless battle that my mind wages against the world. 

How and why can suffering happen? 

How and why do people allow it? 

Why does it feel like humanity is losing the world to greed? 

I’m tired of being faced with selfish behaviour some my own.

I’m exhausted with people holding money over life.

Judgement not compassion.

Control not freedom.

Bigotry not acceptance. 

I want to hide away from it all right now. Behind the anonymity of untruth. I want to not care for a while. To not worry about the feelings of others. To be selfish but free.

Yet I know I cannot not, because as much as I want so desperately to find peace in my mind it’s never going to be found in untruth.

I have to venture on, somehow finding a new place of truth whilst desperately seeking a way to find harmony for my mind. 

Any suggestions? 

Help, my mind is going to explode.

Oh my goodness it’s official my head is going to explode this week has been both physically and mentally exhausting and it’s not over yet. 

I really need to find ways to relax and quiet my mind because right now it’s running in messy mode.

I’m not sure if it’s just being a mom but I’m so tired of being expected to have all the answers. It’s as if I must be the encyclopaedia of life, the walking diary and literally the fountain of all knowledge. 

I’m actually at the end of any level of patience I had. 

Is it a mom, a wife thing, where we automatically assume the role of social secretary, diary planner and of course filler of all paperwork or is it that I’ve just created a living nightmare for myself. 

Take my husband for example he sees the passing on of a message to me the end of the subject. I will either note it in the diary, return the call or sort the situation out. The fact that he probably knew the answer at the time of the question is not lost on me just that he never seems to think about answering the question himself. Never thinks about opening the family diary arrahh.

I’m just so so tired, I do not have all the answers and I certainly cannot be all things to all people.

What I would give for a nice day of relaxation. A spa day with deep massage and complete pampering.

A day where my mind can be my own, anyway that so isn’t going to happen so I’m turning to you all. I need ideas on how to get my mind some peace. Techniques to reduce my anxiety and find some calm. 

Love revolution 

Well what a week, many of us are feeling a little lost, afraid and extremely angry. Still whilst we may not have expected the results of the USA elections we still need to hold on to hope.

Hope that Donald Trump is more than the media is portraying him. 

Hope that those that voted for him did so for reasons beyond racism and bigotry.

Hope that the next four years will be ones of respect for all people regardless of their gender, religion or sexual orientation.

Hope that the new President will work towards peace not more war.

I have to hold on to this HOPE

Yet I cannot just hold on and just wait and see, I only have to look at our own government to see that value is not placed in all people. 

So I have to move forward and be,

Hope in action.


So I’m calling on you all to join me, 

Let’s start a love revolution.


Step out in love, reach out to the communities that will be feeling afraid, unvalued, disrespected and remind them they are loved.

Stand up for the vulnerable, fight against oppression and tyranny.

Stand up in Hope and stand strong in Love. 


Never give up.

#loverevolution 

Painting with brighter colours.

I have been avoiding the news for the last few days.

I just cannot take the horror anymore.

Terrorism, diseases, murder, and so much more.

It’s not as if i don’t know its happening of course I do.

I guess i just want to hide away a little.

I watched an episode of Criminal minds the other evening and the investigators were talking about their desire to watch cute videos of little kittens, cute puppies and baby hippos.

Their need to switch the horrific images their jobs brings with cute innocent ones.

I get that.

Not that my job is anything as graphic.

I just understand the need to believe in cute fluffy unicorns for a while.

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I personally don’t subscribe to the sweet animal images.

I prefer messages and videos of hope.

Thats why this week I have been watching videos like this…

 

 

 

Viewing images like these…

 

And

Reading about amazing teenagers like this.

And wrapping myself up in the good in the world.

 

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that colour your world. Constantly colour your picture grey, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colours to the picture by including humour, and your picture begins to lighten up.

Allen Klein.

 

 

So this week I am not actually taking time from the world.

I’m just choosing to paint my life with bright beautiful colours.

 

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Abstract Watercolor Hand Painted Background” by bearvader

Time is my enemy.

I’ve been thinking a lot since I returned from my week away about time and how much it controls our lives.

Anyone who knows me will already know I have an issue with time. Time as in the measurements of life, hours, minutes, seconds. It’s a manmade calculation which personally drives me insane.

I often wonder if we are missing out on the present due to the focus on our future.

How often to you stand there and just appreciate the now. Our brains are always on the next event mode. Appointments we have to keep, jobs that need doing, places we have to be.

Time controls our lives and not in good way.

Last week on that camping field time seemed irrelevant.

We ate when we were hungry. We visited when we wanted. Everything was done on a free basis. It was pure bliss.

I know it wasn’t the real world it was a week away from appointments and jobs well not really for us as fostering is a full time, 24 hour a day job but you get the gist.

It was relaxed and free.

Although I hate the concept of time I am also a total slave to it.

I live my life by technology and Filofaxes.

Diaries, alarms you name it I’m a slave to them.

Appointments, phone calls, deadlines they all have me tight.

My watch and I have a love hate relationship

Yet after my week away I have decided I needed to do something about this.

I need to loosen the grip this measurement foe has on me.

I’m going to make a conscious effort to be in the now more.

To slow down my pace in life.

I know I cannot live my life in a field but I can bring the field into my life a little.

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Exploding

Wow I cannot tell you how angry I am feeling right now.

So frustrated by the injustice in this world.

So devastated by my grief.

I am angry that children are dying through hunger when so many have so much.

I am angry that I had I bury my daughter.

So many times I can find my inner sunshine and find peace with this world.

Not today.

Today I am so cross.

I have a rage burning up inside of me.I am so lost.

Normally the peace maker today I want to start a war.

I want to battle against poverty.

I want to fight against Rett syndrome.

I want so much for things to be different.

Today I wonder how to move forward. How to let my heart open again.

It’s hard my husband says I want to save the whole world.

Maybe I’m selfish today because right now I just wish I could have saved Livvy.

To never forget

I can’t write today, my mind is filled with the memories of eleven years ago when the world watched in horror as the terrorist attack of 9/11 unfolded.

I was glued to the television coverage my heart was breaking, all I could do was pray.

Pray for people’s safety, pray for the brave emergency services, pray for peace.

Today as i remember I have those same prayers, but I also pray for the ones left behind. The ones who lost loved ones, wives who lost their husbands, husbands who lost their wives, mothers who lost sons fathers who lost their daughters, and those sweet innocence children who lost their parents.

A day filled with so much loss, so much pain.

11 years on the world still mourns.

Hearts are still broken.

We remember with love the ones who lost their lives to this evil called terrorism.

And we pray for peace , for tolerance and mercy, and to NEVER witness such devastation again.

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We will NEVER forget

I have the Blues

 

I think I have a bit of the post conference blues.

 

At the Brit mums weekend I was Sara and I loved it.

 

As much as I cherish being mom sometimes I lose my identity under the piles of dirty washing and endless tantrums.

 

My job also doesn’t really give me a place to be Sara as a foster carer parenting is my job, which yes I love but hey where am I?

 

Maybe it just a case of the blues, that will soon pass over, or maybe its the inner me shouting a little louder than normal.

 

While we all love our roles of mother, wife etc we still need to remember that we are ourselves too.

 

To indulge in our passions be in it books, nights out, nights in. 

 

Whatever we desire, need.

 

I need to take this on board more. 

 

I need to not wait for those once a year weekends to embrace the woman inside.

 

This doesn’t detract from the roles I play it enhances them.

 

A happy mom makes for happy children.

 

A contented wife has a contented husband

 

 

So I’m make a new resolution (no its not new year) I’m going to celebrate me a little more, indulge me a little more, embrace me a little more.

 

I’m going to step out of the roles that have been defining me and learn more about the woman within.

 

I’m sure she is still there somewhere?

 

 Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all. Hans Christian Anderson

I’m considering becoming a hermit

Ok maybe the title of this post is a little extreme but I am finding myself increasing enjoying my own company more than ever.

Having time to work through my thoughts.

Reading books and having the time to digest the meanings.

No small talk

Quiet time in conversation with God.

Journaling to my hearts content.

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Ok ok being truthful I couldn’t become a hermit. I need my daily fix of cuddles and smooches.

But it is nice once in a while to have some time out.

Since Christmas I have taken a step back from social networking, my mobile phone, my laptop.

It didn’t start out as an intentional thing just an escape from feeling overwhelmed . I couldn’t keep up, my twitter feed was out of control. Tweets on events that I had completely missed out on. Situations with friends that had just bypassed me in the numerous irrelevance that I was following.

Facebook was the same how can one person have over 100 notifications in a day, I’m so not that popular, just group updates etc etc

My email box looked scary, I just began to avoid it.

So I took a step back. Decided that if it was important I would deal with it but if not I would let it go.

Refusing to check my accounts no more than 5 times a day rather than every 5 minutes.

Radical maybe ha ha but I survived and I’ve thrived.

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I’ve read whole books in one sitting rather than a couple of chapters while checking twitter.

I held conversations with my children without checking my phone just in case.

I’ve watched DVDs snuggled on the sofa with my husband, no pausing or losing the plot just to return this email.

I’ve been present in my life. In the here and now with the person I’m standing with, not allowing half of my mind to be whirling around in cyberworld.

In the silence I have began a journey of reminding myself of who I am and who I wish to be.

I’m not really ever going to become a hermit but I have and will be continuing with the changes I have made.

Being present in your loved ones life’s is so much more important that being present in the virtual world.

Lesson learned.

“Life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going.” — Tennessee Williams

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” — Henry David Thoreau

Ten years

Today couldn’t go past without mentioning the awful events of this day ten years ago.

September 11th 2001 a date that was torn into our minds and hearts. The devastation, destruction, the face of evil was apparent to the world that day.

Too many innocent lives were taken. Too many have lost there lives since due to the events of that horrific day.

How do you move forward?

The truth is we have no choice. I remember sitting at home on that fateful day holding my 6 month old daughter in my arms watching the devastation unfold on the television screen before me. I sat there in a daze wondering what kind of world my four girls had been born in to.

Of course i was shocked by the evil of this event, yet the truth is evil has been about for eternity the holocaust, genocide and many more atrocities committed in the name of faith, in the guise of sovereignty.

No evil is something we see all to often.

What struck me was the good in this world. The bravery of the firemen as they battled the blazes. The police officers, the ambulance staff. Each one a hero in their own right. They didn’t walk away they walked forward together.

People all over the world uniting in prayer, uniting in grief pulling together, holding each other. Refusing to be beaten by terror.

The world isn’t evil just some of the people in it.

It’s this hope I give to my child, this faith that there is good in the world.

I join the world as we remember the lost today. I pray for the grieving families and for the leaders of the world to work together so nothing like this happens again.

I stay strong in my hope and my prayers for peace.