Tag Archives: inrl

I want to hug you in real life.

Do you know one of the main things that frustrates me about the internet and social media in general? That some of the people I really would love to do life with often live miles away. People who I have connected with strongly are so far out of reach. How I wish I could turn my virtual hugs into real ones.

I have met some really incredible people via the internet. I get to follow some really inspiration women who have truly blessed my life. Some without knowing have got me through some extremely dark times.

I have had conversations with people that may not have happened in real life. Some finding vulnerability safer on line than in real life. Sharing their hearts filling mine with strength and courage.

I have been challenged by perceptions I would not have seen without the internet. Opinions and reasoning set out allowing me to educate myself without prejudice. Knowledge being as always the greatest power.

I have been inspired by those doing life in the only way they know how. Sharing the good, the bad and the ugly giving me freedom to admit to the reality of my life. The pain, the struggle.  Whilst not always easy  but celebrating the joy and the magic of the moments.

Yes the internet does have a dingy side, a side where bullying and trolling has its slimy place but these cowards can stay hiding behind their keyboards because they don’t scare me. Validation isn’t found in their mean nasty words.

Validation is found in your army, your keyboard warriors who stand beside you each day. Who reach out across the fibre optics across the broadband and reminds you that you have got this.

We have this.

But I do get frustrated at times, how I wish I could arrange one mighty dinner party and invite you all. Get to hear the laughter rather that read the ha ha’s or the lols. To give the hugs instead of virtually receiving them. To just be surrounded by all you weird and wonderful people.

But until then I’m celebrating the gift of the virtual world, the expanse of the internet and all you incredible people that I get to call friends.

My friends.

Stepping out in-courage

I sat there alone basking in the irony.

Here I was watching a conference on community, hearing stories of wonderful God blessed friendships, of lives fulfilled by the roles they play as the friend.

I wondered as I logged in, why am I doing this to myself, am I just torturing my soul? Doesn’t it ache enough?

The videos began to play and my heart began to search, my heart began to listen, then finally it began to hear.

In these stories I had found home, my hurts, my pain. The soul tearing I had felt wasn’t just mine to own. These ladies too had feared community, feared stepping out, felt alone within a crowd.

How can these videos effect me so much, why are these stories resonating through my whole, why oh why are the tears falling down my face?

Because they speak the truth, they guide me towards what the heart knows but the head was refusing to accept. I am afraid, I am fearful, I am scared.

Friendship is a word that reaches into my body and stopped the blood from pouring into my heart. It leaves me cold.

I’ve tried it once before and it failed miserably, women I walked along side left when the road got rocky and obstacles stood in the way. I didn’t help, I don’t help. I didn’t cry out please don’t leave me, I too just stopped returning calls or making invitations.

Seasons of life,

I’ve heard this said before but had I let the understanding, the acceptance soothe my soul as the healing balm it could be.

My answer is simply no!

I’m not new to the stories I’m hearing , I have followed the writings over the past year or so. 

But have I been reading but not understanding?

YES 

Have the words really penetrated the walls that I have surrounded my heart with.

NO

The excuses got in there first, “They have it all together” “I could never write like that” “or maybe its different in America” are just a few that I resurrect each time the words got too close.

 Raising my shield against stories, against the truth.

 Reading in-courage but having none.

 Lying to myself about acceptance of a life alone. “Hey I don’t need friendship”, “I have great kids a wonderful husband” etc etc lies told to my own heart.

Ignoring the passages of God’s word where he calls us together to be a fellowship, to be all parts of the one body of Christ.

That can’t be for me, Ive tried it once, it just isn’t me, it wont work out.

Yet here I was signing up to watch the conference!

From the moment I pressed play I wasn’t alone, I felt the love of God surround me, Jesus was crying out to my heart, please listen,this is what I want for you. 

Friends are my gifts to you, they are the physical beings of my love. Open your heart dear child, let them in.

You have never been alone and you are so loved. Please step out in-courage.