Tag Archives: home

Only my own 

I’m so tired of opinions 

How people voice their own without thinking or consequence.

How others can know what’s right for you when in truth they have no idea of who you are.

Your truth is not theirs 

And their understanding is not yours to find.

I cannot live like this anymore.

Searching, struggling to find something in myself to please, to placate others.

Twisting and turning myself inside and out to be who they want me to be.

Nauseous from inadequacy.

Pained by failure. 

Why am I not enough?

Who do I allow to hold me to unattainable heights? 

Why do I allow others to drag me into the darkness of my lows. 

I’m sorry, 

Whilst I do value you and all you are.

I cannot allow your opinion of me be the basis of my souls definition.

My heart has to beat to its own drum.

My soul has its own chords to sing.

Whilst I do respect your opinion on so many things 

The only one on myself that truly matters is mine.

See it as vanity,

See it as ego,

I know it as survival.
  

A little tense

My home is full of tension right now.

My eldest daughter is home from university and we are all slowly trying to find our places again.

Where we fit in the dynamics of the house.

I do feel for her, university was complete freedom. Pretty much getting to do want you want as long as you get your work done and maybe attend a few lectures. Having her own her own room, working to her own timetable.

I’m so proud of the way she has thrived at university. Completely independent with only the few “I need” phone calls.

So yes coming home to having to share a room with your sister (such hardship) must not be easy. Having to abide by family rules like , put your bowl in the dishwasher (strict parent here).

No truly I do appreciate its hard all sarcasm aside.

Yet still we all have to learn to give a bit.

Her sister needs to stop hating her for making her share a room.

My youngest needs to stop emulating her older sisters one stropping at a time is enough. I also want her to stay 14 for a while, she is my baby. OK I know 14 isn’t a baby but as my last own she always will be my baby.

I also know I have to learn to relax more.

Switch off from the arguments  and stop trying to fix things and keep everyone happy.

I just want my home to be peaceful, to be a place my children what to return too, not the battle zone it feels like now.

To be truthful it’s getting to me.

My children are growing up and yes I raised them to be feisty independent women and now it feels like that is biting me on the butt.

I know growing up isn’t easy, hey I still struggle at nearly 40.

It’s hard finding your place in the world.

I understand  it’s a life stage, that in a few years I will look back with laughter at the drama. It will become an affectionate memory just as the exhausting toddler years are now.

I know as a family we will survive this, we have already survived a hell of a lot more.

Still this mom is tired.

Tired of breaking up arguments.

Tired of feeling guilty that my home isn’t big enough for them to have their own rooms.

Tired of not being good enough.

So girls if you do ever read mom’s blog please know that I love you all with all my heart,

But seriously if the squabbling continues you all will be outside in the tent.

Keeping my girls safe.

My girls are growing up and as much as I don’t like it I am finding it to be something I am having to accept.

Yet with their older years I am also finding that they want to be out and about more without me or the dad hanging around. While I am happy that they are social and living life I do worry constantly about their safety making sure they have a fully charged phone before they leave and always knowing the general idea of their plans.

Even though I still worry so when I received an email regarding a new safety app I was rather excited.

PanicMe is an easy to use app which turns your smartphone into a personal safety device. It is something that you can download to your own and your child’s phone quite easily.

How it Works

Developed in consultation with local police forces, PanicMe allows you to create a personalised response network of your friends and family who will be contacted when a panic alert is triggered.  A traffic light system (red, amber, green) offers three panic options depending on the urgency of the event and up to 30 contacts from your phone can be selected for each panic option.

  • Red Alert: high risk situation.  You are in serious trouble and danger is imminent.  You may be in fear of being attacked, abducted or seriously ill and urgent assistance is required.
  • Amber Alert: medium risk situation.  You are in serious trouble and may come to harm if help doesn’t come within half an hour to an hour.
  • Green Alert: low risk situation. You may be lost, separated from your group or your car has broken down and you require help within an hour or two.

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The app features GPRS tracking (TrackMe) which shows your panic response network your exact location and also indicates the location of your chosen contacts making it easy to identify the nearest potential responders.  Data capture is activated once an alert has been triggered logging your location as well as any available Bluetooth connections.

When an alarm is raised, contacts are notified by push messages to their own smartphone at regular intervals, which vary depending on the chosen panic option, until the alarm is deactivated. 

David Lindley QPM, former Deputy Chief Constable commented: ‘‘There may be any number of reasons and circumstances why people feel afraid or vulnerable.  Apps like PanicMe offer a simple and practical way to help anyone who feels unsafe or vulnerable. Families and friends can be confident that they will be quickly contacted if the one they love feels vulnerable or needs help.”

 The basic version of the app, PanicMe Lite, is free to download and includes the green panic option only.  The full version, PanicMe Pro, includes all features including TrackMe and costs £14.99 annually.  Both apps are available for iPhone, Android and Windows smartphones.  For more information visit www.panicme.com or like us on Facebook

I am rather excited about this app, it will allow me to feel a little more confident of my girls safety when they are out and about. It works for them as like most teenagers they are never without their smart phones.

Well worth taking a look at, isn’t it. It will certainly help bring me a little more peace of mind.

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KEEPING MY GIRLS SAFE

 

 

Tots 100 Blog Summit – Birmingham

Last week I attended my a blog summit in Birmingham. To be perfectly truthful I hadn’t a clue what to expect as I had never before attended one run by tots 100 and with the conference being free I wasn’t sure of the speakers or the experience that was going to be offer.

Now I don’t wish that to sound so snobby ( as I’m sure it does)but i can be rather cynical and believe in life you tend to get what you pay for.

Well I was so wrong, from the moment I found the venue I was surprised by the quality of the summit.

The venue itself was stunning and they had coffee on the go which anyone who knows me will relate when I say good coffee can make or break a day for me.

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The agenda was packed with a variety of sessions that I was excited to attend. So many in fact that I was seriously wishing I could split myself in two.

The first session I attended was the Grill Section, this was a chance to grill more experienced bloggers. Chrissie from Mediocre Mum (I was super excited to meet Chrissie as we have been tweeting on twitter for a while)., Helen from Fuss Free Flavours, Ruth from Geek Mummy and Sally from Who’s the Mummy and Tots100 All were happy to answer questions on anything blog related. I asked about changing your blog voice,my blog is featuring less posts about my children because now as teenagers they require more discretion on my part. Spoilsports.

The advice I received was really helpful and I left the session with pages full of notes. A big thank you to the bloggers under the grill.

Also in this session to Sally from tots100 even gave us a run down on how the metrics work. I confess I still haven’t a clue but that’s down to my lacking brain not Sally’s explanation.

My 2nd session was on advanced SEO being run by Judith Lewis and I’m sure it was super informative to many but five minutes in my head was spinning so I escaped to grab a coffee and some pain killers and took some time out before lunch.

Ooh talking of lunch it was simply yummy. A great selection on offer.
I ate well that day. To quote Oliver Twist “more please sir”.

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The third session I attended was run by Cathy from nurture store. It was all about getting the most out of Facebook. This was a really informative session and I’ve already been using some of the advice we were given.

My fourth and final chosen session was run by John Arnold on outdoor photography. It was really interesting and John is a great teacher as he makes it accessible for all at whatever level they are at. He also convinced me I needed a new lens for my DSLR, well that’s what I told the hubby.

After another break and more coffee the day came to an end with perhaps the most inspiring part of the whole event. A talk by Andy Cope the author of How to be Brilliant and other books including our family favourites The Spy Dog.

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My youngest wasn’t at all impressed that I didn’t come home with a signed book from him. Of course my fault entirely I know I should learn to carry books around with me in case I meet her favourite writers. Lesson learned.

Anyway Andy brought home to me something that I had forgotten for a while. He told us that happiness is a choice. We have too remind ourselves each morning that each day is a gift and to live it happy. That we could be a lot worse, we could have toothache. There was off course a lot more to Andy’s talk including percentages and oranges but for me it really hit home.

As it reminded me of Livvy, and when learned of her condition and that we may not have forever. We had to make the decision to make each day count. To seize each day and live it to the best we could. To create those memories.

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In summary Blog Summit was pretty awesome. I really encourage any new bloggers or older longer standing ones to check them out.

It was informative and at times hilarious. Well worth attending.

Personally I had a great day I got to meet some new friends and catch up with old ones.

I got to enjoy lovely coffee while listening to speakers that really knew their stuff.

I left happy and with a notebook packed full of ideas and helpful advice.

A really fanatic day and a big thank you to tots 100 for organising it.

So my only question is

When’s the next one???

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Weight watchers- not working for us

I haven’t blogged about my weight watchers journey for the last few weeks and the reason for this is simple , I haven’t got anywhere.

I can see how weight watchers can work for many but personally I have really struggled.
It’s the portion control I have a problem with, not the size of the portion just the time needed to measure or record.
Maybe the last few weeks have been over hectic but for me to stick to the weight watchers diet requires energy and time two things I have been lacking it a lot.
Creating meals for a family of six Is hard enough as it is without having to measure or weigh things out.
The diet has brought a lot of attention to weight in my home and with three girls two teens and one with real body issues I have had to be really careful.
We have raised our children to eat healthy and it’s very rare you would find junk food in my home but putting a lot of attention on to portion control has left one of my teens a little over obsessed by what they eat and what they weigh.
So although I am well aware that I need to lose weight I need a diet that’s a little less controlled and a little less  in your face.
Weight watchers in a fantastic diet if you thrive on control but for my chaotic world it just isn’t working.

Home sweet home

What a blissful, few days. We have just returned from a caravanning holiday in South Wales, Rhosselli and it’s been great. The sun was out for three perfect days where we got to sit on the beach, play in the sea and build sandcastles in the sand. The kids have laughed and played and also slept which was blissful by itself. We also got to spend some wonderful time with friends.

I have been struck by many things over the last week. Firstly I think we need to move by the Sea. The feeling of calm I get when I watch the ocean it just fills me with a peace I can’t find elsewhere. Just watching the waves energies my very soul.

Secondly I love the stars. One thing I dislike about living in a built up area is I never get to lie outside and look at the stars. Sitting outside on the campsite I got to chat to Brodie about the windows in heaven. Then as we just sat cuddling a shooting star flashed across the sky. A memory made forever with my baby.

There is also nothing more beautiful than standing watching the sun set over the ocean. For a long time as I stood there I felt heaven was within reach. That Livvy was at the end of my fingertips. I felt such harmony at the connection between heaven and earth.

So now I’m home with a caravan that needs cleaning, two big bags of washing and a new school year to get prepared for.

I’m glad to be back but I hope my inner peace will stay around for a while. If not I better start planning our move.

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