Self discovery

I’ve just come home after a lovely night away with good friends and to be perfectly honest it was just what I needed.

I’ve been letting myself get dragged down in the normal

Consumed by the chaos that is life.

And slowly but surely losing my way and losing myself.

Yes I love being a mom and yes for the most part I love being a wife but I need to work on a balance because some where in this I need to love being Sara.

When I was younger I was fiercely Independant to the point that I wouldn’t let people into my life, even my husband has said that for the first four years of marriage he only had three parts of me as I always held back something.

Over the years I learned to change, learned how to give myself fully to everyone but I think I may have gone too far overboard in the sense that we all need to hold a piece of ourselves for ourself.

Is this making any sense?

As I lay last night in that hotel room I was struck by the silence in a way I have never been before.

I finally understood the comment “silence is deafening”.

In those early hours of the morning I could hear nothing.

Nothing but the constant jabbering of my mind.

Endless queries of ” I wonder if the kids behaved” ” have the uniforms been washed” ” what’s for dinner when I get home”.

How insane am I?

Siting there In a wonderful silent room, a double bed all to myself.

Why didn’t I just appreciate the moment and just relax?

Because I have forgotten how?

Because I have given myself away and have forgotten who I am.

So this is something I’m going to start working on.

I’m going to take time to remind myself of Sara.

What is it I enjoy doing?

Where do I want to go?

Simply who am I at this stage in my life?

My journey of self discovery starts today.