I miss the familiar, the knowing that this is what happens and how it happens. The routines, the traditions, the moments that make sense.

I find comfort in these, in the knowing and the expectation.

My familiar is changing, whilst I have craved for its continuity it merges like the seasons, Spring into Summer, Autumn into Winter.

This was my normal, this became my new normal and now well, I’m still in the process of adjustment into another new.

I miss those that aren’t in my life anymore, the familiar sibling teasing, annual disagreements and over played songs.

I know life is ever changing but sometimes I just wish It would stand still just a little.

Someone once told me “that life was an adventure”. But every adventurer has to have a time of rest, of recuperation.

Who can endlessly search the oceans, or travel the world?

Who can endlessly swing from moment to moment,
without pause, a breath?

I want to breathe deep right now. I wish I could breathe deep into the smell of Olivia’s freshly washed hair. Breathe deep into the familiarity of what used to be.

But I’m breathing,

My lungs are inhaling the new. The season of thankfulness is upon us and I am so thankful, so very blessed by my new.

My heart it sings for my little man, how the excitement of a an advent and the celebration with him as mine.

My new son, is slowly becoming my familiar.

His blond gentle waves and curls than won’t lie down. The little cusp of his lip that raises with his cheeky smile. The softest of his fingers as he reaches out for my hand. I’m loving my new familiar.

Past, present and future all the combination of my heart. Part of me longs for the moments gone yet another is just so thankful for the now.

I’m torn between the then and the now,

So I close my eyes, open my heart and embrace the familiar.



Sometimes I wonder if anyone sees the real me

Sometimes I wonder if I actually know the real me under the fronts I use for protection

The mom

The wife

The daughter

The friend

I wonder if anyone can see me stripped down and bare.

Would anyone like what they see?

I start the day with a smile that hides so many things, worries, fears.

Exhaustion, exhilaration

But am I really bare without the roles I play.

Or are my roles pieces of the jigsaw that is in truth who I am.


Joining in again with Lisa-Jo’s Five minute Friday


What a week!

How can one experience so many emotions in a period of only seven days.

Joy, sorrow

Tears, laughter

The anniversary of Livvys death has knocked me about but how can you show your pain when her sister is conquering her fear and singing a solo in a school concert.

You smile you quieten down the voices in your head and you smile.

Life is a gift but for the last week, months its been a noisy exhausting gift.

This weekend I just pray for quiet.

Not “shush” lets not say a word quiet but just the peace of silence in my mind.

I don’t want to think,

I don’t want to stress

I don’t want to remember

I just want to be

Be quiet


Again I’m joining in with Lisa Jo’s Five Minute Friday.

The Race

I have been ill for the last week or so fibromylcia has been like  a snake bite spewing venom into my body.

Yet while the physical has been awfu,l spiritually I have been much worse.
I have forgotten to be thankful.
I have moaned an groaned about my pain and physical discomfort yet forgetful to be thankful that I am here that  I am not fighting a terminal disease. That my mind is still working.
I have grumbled at my husband forgetting how blessed I am to have him.
I have moaned about lack of quality time with him yet i take for granted the gift I have having him alongside me each day.
I have worried about finances yet not realising that the truth is I have more than enough.
I have allowed my girls to drive me to the brink of insanity with their teenage angst when I still cry out for the one who never got to be a teenager.
I have allowed myself to become of this world when the truth is I am not.
Sometimes I fail so miserably, I want, I desire, I crave yet I have so much. To say that this human nature is not an excuse. 
I need to be thankful in all that I do to remind myself of the gifts,the joys that bless my life.
I am so blessed and sometimes I need a gigantic kick to remember this.
The truth is I get caught up in the race of life that I forget to slow down and enjoy it.
I stop seeing the wonder in the nights sky, the lyrical majestic wandering of a well versed song or the ribbon curling of a gentle breathe.
I need to stop not just looking but seeing the beauty of God’s creation
I need to slow this life race down from the 100 metre sprint into the marathon. 
Enjoy, be thankful, be blessed.

  This post is a link up with Lisa-Jo’s Five minute Friday 



Another five minute Friday post joining up with Lisa-Jo Baker

No more biting my tongue when they don’t understand.

It seems being sensitive is a crime nowadays.

It’s ok mom she says, it’s over, I’ve finished, I’ve left.

Yet I’m still left with a taste of bitterness in my mouth.

I’m praying the senior school will be where she finds her place.

She tells me she isn’t lost.
“God will always be my direction
He is my heart and I won’t change that to fit in.”

Those who tell me she is too sensitive, too weak.

Hear her heart as it beats with the strength of love, the warmth of compassion and the kindness of empathy.

My baby is enough
My baby is more than enough
She is one of God’s amazing creations and he makes no mistakes

This is Enough