One Special Young Man

On a hospital ward many years ago I met an amazing lady and her handsome cheeky son named Ryan. This young man showed me that disability doesn’t define who our children are. Their spirit, their soul does.

A character who brought tears of joy to my eyes and my heart.

Livvy soon realised what a catch he was, and before long we teased them about being boyfriend and girlfriend. Livvy would giggle at hearing his name. Ryan’s face would light up at hers.

 Ryan and his family have given my family so much. They showed us that the only limitations on our children are the ones we put in place.

They even convinced us to try camping. Many are shocked at the idea of seriously disabled children camping but its possible and so much fun.

Livvy and Ryan became known as double trouble; let me tell you a story.

One New Year we were all together to celebrate when we noticed Ryan in a fit of giggles. We hadn’t a clue what had tickled him until we turned around to find Livvy helping herself to my glass of wine. The little monkeys.

Ryan and his amazing family are so dear to my heart, we may not see each other every week but when we are together it is like we have never been apart.

I will never forget his face when we first visited him without Livvy, he knew she was gone but yet I believe in his heart he was praying.

Ryan went to join Livvy yesterday. Fifteen years is much too young, but this young man lived a life full of love and laughter. I believe God saw he was weary and called him home.

I had the blessing to spend some time with Ryan in his last days. Yes he was heavily sedated but I pray he heard me tell him how much he means to me. How much I love him.

Unfortunately I know the pain so well his family are feeling today. The emptiness of their hearts and their arms. I want to wrap them all up and take away their pain.

The bravery this family have showed in the last months I cannot put into words. The strength they have had in the last days.

They are simply incredible. I now pray for their comfort and healing.

Ryan please give Livvy a kiss for me. I love you to the moon, stars and back again.

John 3.15 “ That everyone who believes in him may have eternal life”.


The Wonderous Gift of Memories

The last few days have been full of memories. Together we have laughed and we have cried.

Memories can be an amazing gift but they can also bring us pain. Time plays an essence in this. When your pain is raw you don’t want to remember, when time has softened the broken pieces of your heart memories become smiles that gently lift your spirit.

I still have days when the splinters in my heart cause me pain but for the most I’m doing ok. I am glad of the gift of love my memories bring.

How I wish I could teach the world the importance of creating memories, so many wait until it’s too late.

I am so thankful that God gave me a wakeup call in 2004, Livvy nearly died. The shock of being so close to losing her and the relief of gaining a reprieve rocked our family to the core. It taught us to make everyday count.

Never go to bed on an argument.

Forgive each other as no one is perfect.

Cherish your children for childhood flies by way to fast.

Hold each other close.

The big one for us is love each other with ALL your heart. I’m sure we could all add many more.

Since we lost Livvy in 2008 it has been the memories that have kept us strong. Her testimony to our lives.  This is the reason we started her charity Livvy’s Smile to help create  special memories for others .

As I am watching a family I care deeply for suffer so much over these last few days. I want to give thanks for their memories. The days of joy that in time will bring them comfort. Tears full of the laughter we have all shared together.

Memories are the greatest gift we can give to ourselves. They don’t require money; they only require time, love and laughter.

Whatever you are doing this week create a memory. Snuggles at bedtime, hot chocolate chats and back garden races. Laugh, love and create.

I also know without a doubt that we will all be reunited with our lost loved ones again one day. That will be a time for great celebration and a time for new memories.

Revelation 21:4  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”


My girls all together xx

Are Online friends, REAL friends.

I was chatting to my husband last night about friendships.

How much they mean to us? How, sometimes friendship can be a risky business. It can bring you joy, but it can also bring you pain.

For the last few years my friendships have really changed. Some I believed would be friends for life have disappeared into the wilderness. Others have grown and flourished.

 We then got on to the subject of the friendships I have made online, through various ways, blogging twitter and facebook. He asked if I believed these to be real friendships.

Wow REAL friendship??

 I know I wonder quite often if the people I chat to daily would like me if we were to meet in real life but then again why shouldn’t they. The conversations we have over the internet are probably more honest than many face to face ones. We don’t try to be what we think the other wants. We get to be open with our beliefs our dreams and wishes. I also know for me that writing how I feel is easier than saying it.

Of course you have some who pretend the world is wonderful around them, but to be honest you can see through that quite easily. No one’s life is perfect we all struggle and have problems. That’s doesn’t mean we are unhappy just that’s life.

Would I like to meet my online friends in the real world? You bet ya, yes the first five minutes may be a bit awkward but before long all those conversations that have kept us up till the early hours would come as easy as if we were still hiding behind our keyboards. The best thing though is that all those virtual hugs would become real ones.

Online friendships are amazing. You become friends due to who you are and what you believe not just because you live down the road or attended the same school. We converse with people who really understand us and what we are about. We support, guide mentor each other from our hearts. I have found people who really understand me, my desire to raise my children well, and my love of my faith.

Yes of course I would love meals out, coffee mornings and days at the park with these friends, but I thank God for the internet and for bringing people into my life.

The internet brings people who are like-minded together, unfortunately that isn’t always a good thing but that is another blog post (the evils of the internet).

Today I am just grateful for my real life friends and my online friends both bring me joy. Thank you all for showing the value of friendship.

Photo’s, Photo’s everywhere !!!

I love to take photographs especially now I have my new camera. The problem is this leaves me with is a big bill when it comes to getting them all developed. Then thanks to the wonderful world of Twitter I was introduced to a fabulous website called.

This site has saved me over £20 in the first week of using it. I have ordered some photos from both Tesco and Kodak via it. How fantastic is that. I’m also waiting on a free photo book from Vista print.  is great for getting your digital prints but also for photo cards, gifts etc

Sign up for their email alerts and it will keep you up to date with new offers in digital printing.

So what do you have to lose? Check out and if you are a twitter user follow them @freephotoprints.



My Words …..

Each week my grandfather would take a slow walk up the hill to the local post office to collect his pension. I would sit on the steps on the building so excited waiting for him to come out.

While I loved spending any time I could with this man. The reason for my excitement would be the cheap paper exercise book in his hand. This book was mine.

The pages of these books became my escape to worlds of adventure. Faraway lands full of intrigue and mysteries. Poems full of rhyme and prose (ok I hoped).

Writing has always been escape for me. Words like my emotions just come flooding out of my heart. They don’t always make sense but then again life never does.

When my Grandfather died so did a part of me. I stopped writing and stopped believing in dreams.

Then I got introduced to the world of blogging. Many don’t understand the passion behind it but for me it has been freedom.

Yes sometimes I get caught up and worry about the number of visitors to my site or the lack of comments, but none of this compares to the release I get from sharing my words.

I have no aspirations to become an author. Though I’m sure the story of my life could fill many pages of a book. I just enjoy words, as they roll off my tongue and those who know me in the real world will second this.  I also love the way they fill the pages with their meanings, hopes desires.

I have been on a journey the last year or so, coming home in a way to the real me. I find myself filling the pages again of my notebooks with my dreams, my thoughts.

I have also found my faith.

The passion I have found in the glory of God is something I have yet to find the words to explain. Amazement, wonder, whilst wonderful words do not come close.

“You know the way to the place where I am going” John 14.4

I don’t have a clue where my words or my faith will take me, but I feel alive for the first time in such a long time. I’m on a journey that is evolving in each step. Learning new things about myself each day. Embracing the eccentricities’ that I hold inside of me. Finding the courage to accept that not everyone is going to like me but that’s ok, as long as I like who I am. I have also made some incredible friends who see the real me and seem to think I’m ok.

Having faith has given me strength and courage yet it has also given me inspiration.

My words show my heart, but my heart belongs to the Lord.

“Then Jesus said “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”  John 11:40

Today I am Thankful

Today, I am thankful


I was able to go to church this morning and be with my family and friends and worship my God.

That ……

I get to call this man my husband.


That ……

These are my girls


I have remembered how to smile.


 “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever” Psalms 136.1

Today my daughter should have left primary school

Dear Livvy

Hey babes today you would be leaving primary school and stepping out into the strange world of seniors.

I wonder how you would have reacted when that day in September came and you had to enter a new school. You were never very keen on change. The senior school I’m told is excellent remember we watched in being built. All snazzy with a new pool and therapy area. To be truthful you wouldn’t have cared about the building, you were always about the people. If they were kind and fun you were happy.


You had this amazing way of knowing people; it was like you could see inside to their inner soul and knew what kind of heart they had. Some would light up your face others wouldn’t even get eye contact. You were a great judge of character.


I was looking at the facebook pictures of your friends at the leavers’ assembly. I’ve got to confess it’s hard. Well it’s wonderful to see them all grown and excited for the future but all I can see is the fact that you are missing.

I know you will be shouting at me from Heaven and yes I know I should know better, but its days like this that the pain just gets a little worse and clouds my thinking.

Your sisters and I were chatting about you this morning. They reminded me of the mischievous minx you were, you are. How the poor staff at the senior school wouldn’t have know your cheeky ways and how you would have loved that.

 They also reminded me where you are right now. In Heaven a place we all wish to be. How you are now free from the constant pain and limitations Rett syndrome placed upon your body. They are right of course. Just some days this doesn’t make the pain of losing you any easier.

Then Kennedy, bless her told me she was jealous of you, this surprised me so I asked her to elaborate.  She explained that you were now with Jesus and all the great men and women that have gone before us. She asked me to imagine the teachings you could have. To be taught about your faith by God’s son. To be taught history by the people who made it, to be showed science by the creators.

What a mass of images your sister gave me. What a gift.

So yes young lady I’m hurting I won’t even try to deny this. But I do know we will be together again and I have to be patient. Then on that day when we are reunited you can tell me all about your schooling Heaven style.

Miss you baby .

Mom xx

Why does growing up have to be so hard?

Head exploding with images, thoughts that make no sense. Hormones flooding your body, switching from tears to laughter in seconds. Angry, frustrated but don’t know why.

Welcome to being a teenager.

It’s so hard being a parent and not having the magic cream to make it all better. I watch her struggle to control her emotions. She is broken hearted but doesn’t know why. I hear the words “life is horrid” from her lips it cuts like a knife.

How do I help, my love for her is unconditional.

I remember going through this with her sister but she is a different character more open with her emotions.

E seems to believe it is a weakness to cry. I want to wrap her in my arms and rock her like a baby. She won’t allow this.

How do I prove to her how beautiful she is inside and out. I have always admired her strength and courage and even her stubbornness but now they feel like unbreakable walls blocking me from holding her close.

I know we will get through this somehow. All children go through this but my babies have been through so much in the last years. Losing their sister brought pain to their hearts.  They are amazing, clever, kind and so much more.

 How can I get E to believe this of herself. Life isn’t easy and yes it is often unfair but love will overcome all.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But for the greatest of these is love”  1 Corinthians 13.13

My first attempt at the Gallery

Well he we go, my first attempt at the weekly Gallery with Sticky Fingers.

I found the prompt this week quite hard, it was to recreate a title from one of your favorite novels. Well I am a complete crime nut and psychological thrillers. I didn’t fancy titles full of blood and murder on my blog. In fact I have surprised myself at my reading material.

So I turned to the old classics, I’m sure you will know what this is straight away.


Sometimes to fight the pain of  not being able to do this. 

Just one more hug


I hold on tighter to these 

My girls



 They are not substitute’s they are joy in my heart. Each one of my children holds a piece of heart.  Holding them close reminds me of Jesus great promise that we will all be together again in eternity. My heart will be complete again. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalms 147;3

 Create memories and hold your loved ones close. My memories are gifts that I slowly unravel in those quiet times. I cherish these memories but look forward to making many more.  Life might not always go as planned but I live with hope. Together we will all be reunited again God’s love promises us that.

 “That everyone who believes in him may have eternal life” John 3;15 

This man holds my heart