How I do life? 

I sometimes wonder about how I do life and if I’ve got it all completely wrong.

You see life hurts like crazy at times,

It soars to great heights and then to some truly awful lows.

Its scary and it’s so raw that I wonder why I do this to myself?

You see it would be so much easier if I didn’t open my heart so easily, if I shut down my emotions. If I stopped walking forward heart first and allowed my head to take the lead now and again.

I love to love but loving can leave you sore and damaged and burned. Yet for some crazy reason even when scorched I still love forward.

Am I my own worst enemy?

I know this sounds crazy but for a moment over the Easter weekend I wanted to be a post office attendant.

I was there in my local town post office picking up a parcel and as I normally do I got chatting to the people around me and the lady serving me. When I asked her if she had plans for the Easter holidays she replied with a massive smile “no”. She was planning on finishing work going home and doing nothing just relaxing for a few days. She was so excited and looking forward to having nothing to do and right then and there I wanted to be her. Now let’s be realistic here I don’t know this lady. She may have a stack of issues to deal with and life may be far from perfect but in that moment I wanted to be her. I wanted to do nothing.

I wanted to do nothing 

Think nothing 

Worry about nothing 

I wanted to have a job which I could leave at the office and come home and do nothing.
As I thanked the post office lady for my parcel I smiled and walked away actually thinking jammy cow. I was actually peeved at the woman for not having to do anything.

I was jealous at her and frustrated with myself.

Why don’t I make life easier for myself?

How do I get myself here?

Why do I may the choices I do?

As I walked away from that post office I found myself laughing at myself, giggling at my reaction.

I reminded myself that yes whilst I may be completly exhausted at times, I am never unfulfilled.

That whilst often my brain feels like it may explode, one smile from my children can make it all seem worthwhile.

Thats whilst I honestly have no idea how I got where I am, it feels right.

I do hope that post office lady had a weekend of rest and relaxation and I hope it was exactly what she needed, mine was very different. It was hard, tiring and at times to messy but it was mine and it that it was perfection for me. 

I may not choose the easy pathway in life but i know I have chosen the right one for me.

Yes I may crave a day of nothing now and again but I will never swap my life for another.

Because somehow my life became perfect for me. 

Perfection in Wales 

Holidays scare me, I’m in a place where things are out of my control. I read reviews over and over again making sure im not wasting the money we pay. I also have to trust that the place in which we are staying is clean. It’s not that I’m a clean freak but having a complex child requires a certain level of hygiene. 

It’s partly this and a few other reasons that we decided to invest in a tourer caravan. Firstly we could go where we wish but also I could have some control over my environment (control freak much). 
Anyhow these last few days we have been  on our maiden voyage testing out our caravan. We didn’t want to travel too far from home for our first trip whilst we found our feet, so a trip to North Wales was planned. 

We stayed on a lovely site called Plas Farm and when I say lovely I really mean it. From the moment we pulled on to the site I was relaxed. It was obvious that they hold themselves to a high standard because even in the middle of the Welsh countryside the grounds were spotless. We were running late as per normal for us and the reception had closed but thankfully we had already received a call from the site and we knew which pitch we had been allocated and where to find the key for the disability facilities. As we pulled up to our pitch we couldn’t believe how beautiful it all was, we had spectacular views in all directions. The pitch was well set out and it was easy for us to set up.

 My girls have an obsession with toilets ever since they were little they have had to check out the loo’s and like myself they have high standards when it comes to peeing. There was no disappointment, the toilet block was spotless and I don’t mean just clean I mean spotless. The showers were immaculate and the set up wonderful. They even had free hairdryers which was a welcome addition. 

Honestly our stay at Plas Farm was amazing. Nothing seems to be too much for the owners. They were so helpful in all ways.

We had a wonderful four nights enjoying the peace and quiet. The boys slept so well, I even managed 8 hours one night. 

We had an amazing time exploring North Wales we visited Rhyl a place I had loved as a child. It’s changed I think or maybe I have. Some memories shouldn’t be revisited or maybe some are a little too tied up in pain. 

A trip to Llandudno was a welcome one, I so love this town, it was such fun to introduce my boys to the pier. It was too windy for the cable cars so obviously we must return in the summer. 

On our last day we took a drive to visit The Glassblobbery a chance leaflet pick up in Tesco let to a Facebook obsession and real need to visit and we certainly wasn’t disappointed. It was incredible watching Dave make a giraffe from a stick of glass. Watching it come to life in front of you. Even my big boy enjoyed it and that says a lot. I fell in love with many items and was so lucky that Alan treated me to a beautiful drangonfly. I am now planning a new order. The Glassblobbery is certainly worth a visit. 

All in all for our maiden trip it has certainly wetted our appeitite for more. I cannot wait for our next adventure.

Be your own hero

From the moment I saw this top I knew I had to buy it for my son. In fact I wished it was in bigger sizes for all my children. You see I always tell my children to be “there own hero”.

I’m not talking about Batman, Superman flying through the air fighting bad guys kind of heroics.

I’m talking about being the best people they can be in their own lives. Doing their upmost to be the best versions of themselves.

I want them to shrive for more.

I don’t want them to live their lives just doing enough, I was them to always do more.

I believe in life we always have two choices no matter what we are facing. To walk this journey with grace and compassion or to be angry and resentful.

I cannot promise my children the perfect life, it doesn’t exist. Everyone, everywhere has their own personal struggles. Its how we deal with these struggles that defines who we are.

I remember vividly a discussion my husband and I had after losing Livvy. We could allow ourselves to fall into despair and the pain of grief or we could honour Livvy by living our lives fully.

I want my children to live fully, love fiercely and be their own heroes.

The world is there for the taking,

Whatever career they choose I want them to work at being the best in their field.

The friendships they make, may they honour their friends by being the best friends they can be.

Whoever they love, may they cherish and respect them with their whole hearts.

`Never give anyone or anything second class effort.

Right now this world is becoming a scary place to be, the rise of hate is frightening. May my children stand up against this hate with love. May they never treat anyone unfairly and may they always honour themselves by the way they treat others.

May they always be their own heroes.