Should i be having so much fun?

Writing this I am sitting in an apartment in Liverpool all alone and its beautifully peaceful.

I am here attending the Labour Party Conference and I am having an incredible time yet I feel so blooming guilty.

Is it just me?

Is it a woman thing?

Or is it normal for any parent to feel guilty for being away from their children.

Now I’m not talking about working parents and those that have to travel for business I’m talking (writing) about parents feeling guilty for being away from their children for the reason that they are doing something for them. My time here at conference isn’t essential, its not adding to my professional development and I’m certainly not being paid for it, but I am really enjoying every minute.

Yes I am missing my children desperately and even my husband now and again but over the last few days I have showered in peace, not played referee between arguments(well maybe i have but thats another post) and i’ve actually slept. Add to this the level of in-depth conversations i’m having,  I’m having a wonderful time. SO why in the back of my head am I hearing words like “bad mom”  and “how could you”?

Is it just a me thing, am I little obsessive as a parent stressing myself out that they cannot cope without me?

Is it a woman thing that we believe that every child needs their mother to be there 24 hours a day?

Or is simply that from the moment we become parents we feel we should be there for our children all the time and that having fun is only allowed with them?

To be honest I haven’t got a clue, whilst I am the first to speak to others about giving themselves a break I am rather hard on myself.

I understand that every parent needs time to remind themselves that there is more to life than cbeebies, school runs and nappies. That we were ourselves before we ever answered to mom or dad.

That time away allows you recharge and renew.

So why in the world am I giving myself such a hard time over this?

I am really interested in people’s responses to this, please tell me if it is a woman thing, a parent thing or just a Sara thing?

Let me know how you feel about it?

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A new-ish leader

Unless you have been living under a rock over summer you will be well aware of the intense battle going on within the Labour party. The resignations of members of the parliamentary Labour party and the calling of a new leadership vote. Its been a couple of hostile months with tensions flying high in both camps. Character assassinations, online abuse, and so much more has darken the Labour party . But hopefully today this battle came to its end with the membership voting greatly for Jeremy Corbyn to stay as their chosen leader.

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I know there are many who were disappointed today by this decision in fact this was obvious by the lack of sportsmanship showed at the announcement. The solid face forward lack of applause did not do anyone any favours, thankfully you were drowned out in your disgust by the enthusiasm that filled the room for Jeremy and solidarity won out. 

The Labour party has to make a decision today and it will be one that shows the MP’s for what they truly stand for. A new election was called Jeremy Corbyn was re-elected, a line now has to be drawn under this discussion and forward planning needs to happen. The Conservative party have loved the battles within our ranks as it has allowed them to pass motions that are devastating the lives of the people we should be representing.

This has to change, so I’m calling all Labour MPs to step up now and protect those who are vulnerable, protect the NHS, protect our doctors, our nurses, our schools, our social care….

Fight against the curtain of elitism Theresa May is trying to draw around our country.

Stand together next week as we campaign against the Tories plan for segregation in education.

Stand together to fight against austerity and for the vulnerable in this country and the world.

We cannot stay a party a of two halves any longer, it doesn’t work.

We need to unite to fight.

We can be the party in government in 2020 but we have to start fighting for it now,

 

Together.

Inspire or destroy?

Last week I was lucky enough to get to listen to the inspirational Nick Barwick. Nick is a motivational speaker who came to a fostering meeting to share his experiences as a care leaver. His story is incredible, he has faced adversity, pain and suffering throughout his life but still found the strength and courage to achieve his dreams, he defied the odds and he overcame.

Nick is passionate about sharing his story, he wants the success stories of life to be shared. We need our children to have hope, that if they are struggling and finding life a struggle they can remember that where they are right now is not where they need to end. This is doubly important for all children within the looked after system, they especially need the reminder that there is Hope in this world.

I took an awful lot away with me after listening to Nick speak, but what has been twirling around in my head since I left the meeting was the impact of ‘words.’

Let me explain a little, as Nick was sharing his story he spoke about being told by some professional in his life that he would not achieve, academically, financially and emotionally, and how these words for a long time became a self fulfilling prophecy for him.

How the words spoken to him became the words he spoke to himself.

Words have power!

They can inspire but also they can destroy.

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Hearing Nick’s story just hit home how important our words are,

How as Mother’s, as fathers, as teachers, carers, our words have an impact on hearts.

How as a friend, a wife, a sister I need to use my words wisely.

How often have we let words spoken to us bury deep in our hearts?

How what may have been a passing comment has be able to consume our minds.

Someone else’s opinion become our truth.

I know I can look back in my life and raise my hand numerous times for when words spoken in hate became my reality.

“You won’t pass it.”

“I wouldn’t even bother’

“You are not good enough”

“Who would love you?”

How I let these lines of letters sink deep into my heart like an anchor dropped into the ocean, dropping slowing until they find a place to settle and hold, hold on tight.

How I  have allowed hurtful words to crawl under my skin until I believed them completely, burying under my skin into my blood to pump through my veins, straight to my heart.

Burrowing deep until I owed them as my truth.

Thankfully like Nick I had someone in my life who challenged me to question these words. To remind me that my future was mine to create.

That it was up to me to write my own story. 

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I’m still a work in progress, my story has many chapters left to write.

I’m still learning to throw away the words that hurt, to erase the words that are wrong and untrue.

To protect myself from words that do not inspire or encourage.

I’m creating my own vocabulary and as I do this I hope to create another for my children.

I want their story to be one of adventure, excitement and hope but what I want most of all is that the biggest chapter that they write will always be one filled with love.

I pray that story is one of knowing, knowing how loved they are. 

My summer styling tips.

Summer has been crazy and add to that the stomach flu, adoption paperwork and meetings I am so behind on getting my blog posts written.

So this blog post has been a long time coming and a little late (whoops).

My summer styling tips

  • Be comfortable
  • Stay cool

I find summer hard work,  I actually hate being hot so light, cooling fabrics are a must.

The summer dresses from J D Williams are so worth a look, I loved this stunning blue beaded maxi. I got feel glamorous but also got to stay cool.  The detail  on this dress is incredible.

 

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** This dress was gifted to me for the purpose of this review but all opinions are my own.

Afternoon of positivity

Sometimes i just want to surround myself in a blanket of positivity, wrap myself up tight in love and understanding, and this is exactly what I got to do this Saturday at The Curve Fashion Festival.

I got spend the afternoon (yes I was late) with some incredible, beautiful women who I am blessed to call my friends. Women who have walked the journey of not fitting in the box that society terms normal. Women who have struggled with body confidence but also women who have learned to love their body and embraced it with a confidence that I so admire. 

It was a wonderful afternoon, if the clothes that graced the catwalk are anything to go by I am so excited for the autumn season. I fell in love with so many items. It’s an exciting season with many new brands embracing the curve and extending their sizes to fit all women. It was so liberating to see a dress in my daughters size 8 and the same dress in my size too. Obviously there is no way she would let us match but you know what I mean.

Actually talking about my daughter I took my youngest Brodie along with me as well as my new little one and they both had an amazing time. Little one loved all the attention he got, his cuddles and his hugs were so appreciated and in fact he has demanded that I play with his hair so much today I think he is missing the lovely lady from Navabi

My daughter well she found the day incredible in her words “I loved every minute of it. From getting to meet your friends, I also realised that you don’t have to be super skinny to be beautiful”. This is a big thing for this mamas heart as she has being taking some stick for her size at school recently I mean being a size 8 is fat now days. She decided that if something called her fat again she would just ignore it because it’s not really an insult anyway, she rather someone called her fat than unkind or selfish. (I may happen to love this girl). Anyway she had an incredible time and has already told me she “must” come next year. 

How awesome is this, I may let her join us again next year. 

Anyway I just wanted to say a big well done to the Curve fashion festival team, this was my first time at the event but I was really impressed with it all from the layout to the music you could see that real thought has been placed into the event, so a big well done and i hope you all enjoy a few celebration drinks afterwards. 

I also want to say a big thank you to the lovely ladies that I got to meet and the beautiful George from Fuller figure fuller bust who was so gracious when I just fell over my words talking to her. This journey for me has not been easy I still struggle at times with who I see in the mirror, but you wonderful women have been by my side supporting and encouraging me in all that I do. I hope you know how much your friendship means to me, you ladies rock. 

So until the next time xxxx

Survival of the fittest 

Ok the holidays are coming to end and I’m ready to scream hurrah, I honestly don’t know what happens to me over the summer. It truly feels like I’m at a survival camp just trying my hardest to get through each day.

Don’t get me wrong I love my children but keeping them occupied for seven weeks is insane. It’s just to long, way to expensive and certainly not good for my sanity. 

The issue I have as a special needs parent is that my children love and need routines the slightest change can bring down an avalanche of anxiety and behaviours. The thing is I don’t want to be doing the same things everyday.

Take my eldest son for example he would happily wake up every morning have a shower, brush his teeth, eat breakfast then sit and watch the chart show countdown. He would sit there from 20 to number 1 over and over again. Only getting annoyed when a song he doesn’t like comes on. Don’t get me wrong I love music but my goodness how many bieber songs are in the top 20, it’s crazy. Also how dare there be adverts I mean what.. 

Routines and more routines. 

I don’t actually mind some routines especially the one where the kids wake up and the school bus arrives and I wave bye bye.

No all joking aside summer has been hard, yes having a new little one has left me craving for sleep and dreaming of a hot cup of tea but in all honesty it’s been rather awesome. 

We have had some lovely time away, Mablethorpe and those beautiful seals. Special kids in the UK camp and getting to spend time with friends old and new. 

Memories made and laughter created but hands up right now this mom is so ready for the start of school. 


I am actually dreaming of my alarm clock wake up call and school uniforms. I think my boy feels the same as he keeps bringing me his school bag and his answer to my ” are you fed up of mommy ” question was met with a firm yes. I would be offended but I completely understand him. I mean I’m actually fed up of myself. “No more music” “but that down” “do not lick the dog” I’m so tired of my own voice. 

So hallelujah the end is in sight the days are in single numbers and the uniform is ready to be stamped. Life is looking brighter by the day. 

And for those who think I’ve disappeared this summer I do apologise. 

It has genuinely been a case of survival of the fittest and in my family the kids won hands down.