Would someone please dress me? 

This weekend was the curve fashion festival in Manchester, it looked as if it was going to be amazing and from the reports and photos it certainly was a fantastic weekend. 

As for me I didn’t go, I allowed my anxiety to win the battle.

I made excuses about starting university, exhaustion levels, financial issues.

But the truth is I find the fashion world daunting.

I think I have come to the conclusion that I have no personal style. The last few months I have fallen in love with so many pieces of clothing only to try them on an realise that they just don’t suit me at all. 

The idea of being in a venue stacked full of beautiful women who are completely put together just overwhelmed me.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to learn more about the fashion that suits me or actually earn enough money to have a personal stylist. 

I’m not sure if it is a confidence issue or an actual mental block when it comes to style but I am really struggling. 

I think I need to be on one of those television programmes where they dress you to suit your personality and shape.

Yet I am so frustrated at myself. I cannot believe I allowed fear win the battle again.

Seriously Sara you suck.

It feels like a massive step backwards for me.

I actually hate that I feel this way.

So if anyone of you fashion peeps out there fancy letting me know what I should be wearing please feel free to email me. 

Honestly and truthfully I need serious help. 

Less of the mature please…

I started university this week, I am now officially a student (go me). There I was at thirty-nine years old stressing about what to wear for my first day at school. I had no idea what to expect, the last time I was in an academic setting it was my daughters parents evening. The last time I had been expected to learn was errmm twenty something years ago.

What do I take, what will I need?  My daughters advice of a pen and pencil in my blazer pocket didn’t help, not only because I wasn’t actually going to wear a blazer.

Honestly I was a mess, nerves on overdrive. What were my tutors going to be like, would I get on with the other students?

As I first pulled onto the car park at the university I was in awe, the place was incredible . Already I was waging a bet with myself about the number of times I would get lost.

 

Go read the rest of this post over here…..

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Perfect sense

I was restless last night as I sat and tried to catch up with my weekly television programmes. I just couldn’t relax and I didn’t know why. 

I checked the oven, the doors and my diary but I just couldn’t work out what I was missing.

Then it hit me. 

I was listening out for Livvy, somehow I had stepped back in time to seven years ago. The Friday night ritual of Alan going out for the evening and me staying in caring for Livvy.

My mind was listening out for her noises. Her gentle snores or crazy giggles.

I was even waiting to eat with my sister and have one our much missed Friday night chats.

For those few moments I was in my before time. 

Before my heart broke.

Still I wasn’t allowed to stay for long.

Only seconds later the pain overwhelmed me. 

Like shadows slowly consuming the light.

My heart was beating so swiftly, my brain pounding against my skull.

Raw open wounds.

I don’t know why our brains do this to us? 

Flashbacks to moments we cannot hold on to.

Memories so real you can almost touch them.

I cried last night, gut wrenching sobs of missing.

Time really doesn’t ease your pain. 

I was so angry, the frustration of being able to do nothing dominated my mind.

Why,

Why,

Why?

Finally I could cry no more, my soul was empty, my tears exhausted.

I know I cannot go back, 

so many ways and so much time. 

But for that brief moment then I wasn’t broken.

For those few minutes life made sense.

Perfect sense 

#nomoreemptyarms

So as we head towards October I find myself bracing myself for the impact of my social media campaign #nomoreemptyarms. As I prepare to fill social media with photos of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends hugging their children close, I am also preparing myself for my truth, my arms are empty.

Nearly seven years ago my beautiful daughter Olivia lost her battle to the devastating neurological condition Rett Syndrome. In the early hours of November 7, 2008, our world was torn apart. Nothing could have prepared us for the impact and pain we have had to face as a family.

 

 

#nomoreemptyarmslivvy

 

 

Read the rest of this post over here

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Stop talking crap about the refugee crisis.

I’m getting so tired of reading ill informed opinions on the refugee crisis. People who live in a land of diversity and tolerance acting if they really understand persecution. My news feed is full of comments which are either racist or completely uninformed.

Here are a few that have got my goat this week.

We should be looking after our soldiers first before anyone else.

Ok part of this is right, we should always be looking after our soldiers. Supplying them with the right kit to keep them safe, caring for them when they return. None of this is wrong but before anyone else? Tell me again how many of our soldiers have laid down their lives to fight against the persecution of others? They fight to protect the lives of their fellow man. I’ve never seen a solider ask to check the ethnicity or religion before he stands to protect someone. I think people do our armed force members a great disservice when they write this crap.

Our hospitals are struggling already we don’t need to add any more pressure. 

True our NHS is struggling but this is due to underfunding by the prat that runs our country. Cameron would rather invest millions in a defunct defence system than actually saving the people he pretends to want to defend. If money was invested where it should be there wouldn’t be a struggle within the NHS.

They aren’t English so why should we help them?

This one really makes me sick, I am proud of my English heritage but we are all actually citizens of Earth.

Where you were born should never effect the value of your life.

We are all human, well someone better check all the Tories just in case.

The new one I’ve read this week is that the whole refugee crisis is a plan of ISIS to get it’s soldiers into our country. 

First off maybe it is but let’s be honest it’s not a very good one. When we count the number of people who have died as they have fled the country. Secondly propaganda wise this sucks the treatment and violence that have forced this people to flee the country doesn’t make many think, oh yes those ISIS peeps have got it right and lastly how the hell can this be a undercover plan it’s not as if these people are entering our country under the radar. As for ISIS recruiting the refugees, Errmm tell me again who they are fleeing.

Seriously this has to stop, I am one of the first to say we need to start fighting for better treatment of our soldiers, for better support for our disabled, the poor, the homeless but it doesn’t have to be one or the other.

I truly don’t know the in’s and outs of this crisis nor will I probably know all the details of the next.  I truly don’t know what has driven these people to risk their lives and the lives of their children.

Yet what I do know is this,

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.

Dalai Lama XIV

First Aid Waves

The last two days have knocked the crap out of me. What I thought was just going to be a normal run of the mill First Aid course has actually be a major trigger for my grief.

Sitting there in the conference room when asked if anyone has ever used CPR my heart started to pound within my chest. 

My mind left the conference room right then, I was there back in the moment, the moment I have tried so often to forget. 

I breathe deep, drink a little water and try to bring myself back to the here and now.

Seizures “anyone saw a child seizure”, what ?? 

Yes too many.

Choking, Yes

Severe vomiting, Yes

Sometimes I don’t realise how much in life I have seen. Raising a disabled child opens you up to a world of medical practices, symptoms, treatments that many others will never face. 

Losing a child tragically, well let’s not go there. 

Too much 

and it just blooming hurts.

I’ve had to bury my head the last couple of days. 

Allowing the waves of grief to flow over me. 

Trying to change the horrid memories for good ones.

Burying them I guess.

Yet they won’t ever leave me.   

But life has to go on, 

I have to get my first aid certificate and will need to get it again in three years.

This is a requirement of the job I love.

So I ride the waves, 

Holding on tight to the good memories and learning to swim harder through the bad.

  

My weekly plus size fashion wishlist

The new autumn fashion are hiting the stores and I am so excited.

I am also rather shocked at what styles have been catching my eye.

Is my style changing?

Who knows anyway here is my fashion wishlist.

My first want (need) is this beautiful dress from Voodoo Vixen.

The Joni is simply beautiful.

 

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My second choice is a coat, now coats and I don’t have a great relantionship. My long arms seem to leave many coats ill fitting, but this one from ASOS really caught my eye. The style is a vintage style with a modern twist, I love it.

 

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My third choice comes from the new Martine McCutcheon from Fashion World, to be fair I could have chosen anything from this range as I absolutely love it all but this dress is just pure perfection.

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My last but not least choice for this week are these adorable boots from Evans, they are so very cute, I think they would be perfect with my new found love of dresses.

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Seriously the autumn fashion that is hititng her ours stores is something to be excited about.

I think I need to hide my bank card.

 

Nail polish with a difference.

The last 12 months or maybe a little longer I have fallen in love with make-up. I am loving learning new techniques, trying new brands and genuinely experimenting more.

This new found love has also seen me become a little addicted to nail polishes. Slowly building up a small collection of all colours.

So when the beautiful Aimee told me she was creating her own nail polish range I may have shrieked a little with joy.

You see I absolute adore Aimee her style, her humour and her kick ass view of life. She has supported me in my body confidence journey both as an inspiration and as a friend.

She is also totally stunning and is one amazing alternative plus size model. Seriously check out this photo I have pinched of her Facebook modelling page “sorry Aimee” and definitely go visit her page, her photos are so amazing. I love her alternative style.

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Anyway back to nail polish, Aimee has created the fantastic Radioactive Unicorn range. It’s nail polish with a difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The colours are amazing, the intensity of the glitter is immense. Seriously they are amazing.


Go check out her shop now, her line was released on Friday and she sold out in less than an hour.

I was lucky enough to purchase four shades all that I love. I have now pre-ordered three more. The shop will be restocked for this Saturday 5th September.


I am truly in love with these radioactive unicorn polishes.

In fact I would go as far as saying I am a……


Aimee has so many things planned for the range with some exciting new shades coming up

I cannot wait.

So if you are like me and have a little nail polish addiction and you want some intense vibrant colours check out Radioactive Unicorn I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Check out the brands pages
Radioactive Unicorn Facebook page.

Radioactive Unicorn Instagram

*I have recieved nothing for this review I just absolutely love the range.

Happy 18th Eden

I cannot believe than my second born daughter is 18 today.

Wow I have another adult.

I am so proud of my girlie.

I love her unique spirit.

I admire her passion and convictions

Happy 18th Eden Rose

18 today

Thank you for my late night chats.

For the endless perfect cups of tea you make.

Thank you for loving and caring for your siblings, your annoying brother especially.

I hope you have a fun day.

May adulthood see you living your dreams.

May you find your way in this crazy world.

Never change who you are, because you are truly amazing.

You dad and I love you so much.

Happy 18th my beautiful girl. xxxx

Happy18thEden

 

 

 

* No up to date pics are per your request xxxx