Aftershock

Yesterday I had a hospital appointment to discuss a cyst that had been found on my liver. Although my GP was sure it was nothing to worry about she couldn’t rule anything out and wanted me to see a specialist.

I was sure that it was all good but in the back of mind I was doing my normal “what ifs” in full panic mode.

My health hasn’t played fair and I was frightened this would be another knock back.

Thankfully the specialist isn’t to worried she is sending my ultrasound for a second opinion but that’s just to be thorough. Liver functions are all good and I only need to just keep my diet healthy as most of us do.

So why now after the appointment and good news am I feeling so freaked out?

My husband believes because I was pretending I wasn’t worried that the relief is actually a counter shock and that’s why I’m so emotional.

An aftershock

Sounds about right.

I guess you go through life knowing about cancer and liver disease but you just pray it’s never going to happen to you. So when a GP has to mention it you find yourself tumbling into worst case scenarios.

Yesterday my tumbling got stopped and I’m truly grateful for that.

But it has also been a good reminder that I need to take care of myself.

My healthy diet has been slipping recently due to being so busy I need to work on this. Keep to my swimming sessions and generally take better care of myself.

I was lucky this time and I won’t take that for granted.

An aftershock or a warning shock ?

Sometimes you have to fight to be happy.

Someone once told me that “happiness is a choice”.

I’m not sure if I fully grasped at the time what they meant but over the last five years I have had to choose.

Choose to be happy. 

You see emotions are like waves, sometime’s they can be calm and peaceful.

Yet at moments they can be raging against the elements, wild and unforgiving.

waves

 

Grief especially is a whirlpool.

It tries it’s hardest to suck you down into the depths of despair.

So I have had to fight.

Fight to be happy.

And you know what thats ok.

I’ve learned a great lesson in life

That happiness isn’t a given.

You have to look for it

At times you really have to search for it.

You have to remind yourself that darkness is only the absence of light.

So you have to look for that light.

I call that light hope.

I find the light in my children’s laughter.

Listening to their plans and dreams for the future.

It’s there in memories that I hold dear to my heart.

Never forgetting the strength and courage of the one I have lost.

I find my light in the knowledge that life is for living.

That I have to make each moment count.

It’s there in the promise that one day I will hold my daughter again.

Sometimes life gets does get hard and I find myself fighting against the waves.

Frightened that I’m drowning.

But I still search for the light.

The promise of a new day.

The chance to make another memory.

I remind myself that although the whirlpool will never leave me.

I don’t have to let it consume me.

Keep swimming

Ride the waves

Tomorrow is always a chance for hope.

tomorrow

Choose happiness 

 

 

 

I won’t apologise for writing about disability.

I had a message the other day regarding how often I post regarding a disability issue and I wasn’t sure how to take it.

To be honest at first I was rather cross but then I thought back to before Olivia was born.

I knew nothing about disability.

I had a disabled cousin but besides the occasional visit I really wasn’t affected by it.

Never really had to think about it.

Then I realised “that’s it.”

Unless we live it or someone close to us does we really haven’t a clue.

Why should we?

I don’t mean to be trivialise it but I know nothing about space engineering as it doesn’t effect my life.

So why should be people whose life isn’t effected by disability understand it?

So I guess what I’m trying to say is this.

I do understand why people may be a little tired of me posting about disability.

Yet I won’t apologise for it.

Because disability does now affect my life and has done from the moment my beautiful daughter was born.

It was a complete shock to me and I found myself immersed in a world that I knew nothing about.

It was scary.

Though one of the biggest issues I faced was other people.

The lack of awareness made for some hurtful moments.

Ignorant comments and so much more.

 

It wasn’t always negative though a lot of people wanted to understand.

They wanted to learn more so they could help us more.

Still personally the real issue i faced was the isolation.

Not knowing where to turn to for advice and support.

I write in hope that maybe one post will help someone feel less alone.

 

So yes I have been writing about disability a lot but that is my life.

And the truth is I didn’t choose it but I love it.

When Olivia died it would have been easy for us to leave the disability world.

To go back to having a normal life and never thinking of medical appointments, wheelchairs or anything to do with special needs.

But we couldn’t.

This life had become our kind of normal.

The children and the families i met because my child had a disability had become my friends, my family.

Caring for a disabled child became my vocation.

My choice.

So yes I write about disability and I always will do.

Simply because it is my life.

 

disability

I can’t and won’t apologise for that.

Seizures suck !!

Did you know that this week is National Epilepsy Week?

Its a week dedicated to raising awareness about Epilepsy.

I know a lot more about epilepsy than I wish and you know what?

epilepsysucks

 

Its as simple as that!

I have mentioned before on here that Livvy suffered from seizures. They constantly plagued her life. At times she would have over 100 seizures a day.  They effected everything she did. her balance, her ability to walk, even her eating. We nearly lost her numerous times to her seizures.

Today many of my friends children suffer with seizures, their lives are scarred by this illness.

600,000

Yet little is really known about epilepsy.

When asked many describe the image of a person shaking on the floor violently .This does happens but the thing is there are various types of seizures that are relatively unknown. Some are barely even visible.

Still they effect lives.

Did you know?

 

Crazy isn’t it.

So do me a favour today, pop over to the Epilepsy action site and learn more about this condition.

epliespsy thank you x

 

What is this world coming to?

I honestly believed that I couldn’t be shocked by the news anymore. That i had truly seen the most horrific things that had gone on in this world.

So imagine my horror when I read this news headline.

Care assistants admit abusing brain damaged patient. (please only click this link if you are prepared for what you see. I know it made me physically sick.

How can this happen?

I know many of my friends with disabled children are hurting right now. They are scared that one day they may not be able to care for their child. This will mean that they will have to be cared for in a facility like this one.

I only hope and pray that this is an isolated incident and that most of the caring profession are as they job title describes carers.

 

 

 

Running for our girls

I’m so excited and can’t wait to share this news with you all.

My late daughter Livvy has been chosen as one of the 195 girls to be honoured by Team Sparkle in the So Cal Ragnar Relay. 6 amazing women are running 195 miles for 195 girls with Rett Syndrome. “195 miles” that works out about 30- 35 miles each, can i just say OUCH.

1959680_1381282322149933_259008582_n

Livvy’s mile is number 171 and is being run by a Rett mama Allison Foley.

1978762_1376110219333810_961813588_n

As you can imagine I am super excited having Livvy honoured in this way it has certainly blessed my heart. But I’m also so happy to be part of this amazing fund-raising event dedicated to funding the research into curing the devastating condition Rett syndrome.

I am  seriously stoked to be part of this event.

So why am I telling you guys all this?

 Its simple I need your support.

I am hoping to raise $100 to support this amazing cause.

Help me, help Team Ragnar honour Livvy.

Seriously no donation is to small, it all goes to an amazing cause.

teamsparkle

Please check out Team Sparkle Facebook page and learn more about this amazing ladies.

Make a donation, please let them know its made in Livvy’s memory.

Also go check out Livvy’s Page over at Girl Power 2 cure, I am slightly bias about this charity as they have been strength to me in times of weakness and have given me comfort in times of sorrow. But more than that they give me opportunity to honour Livvy and to keep her memory alive by fighting alongside them against Rett syndrome.  To quote Kelly Butler from GP2C ” once a Rett mama always a Rett mama” I can’t tell you how much I needed those words.

So thats my exciting news for the day, lets support Team Sparkle as they support our girls.

The need for speed.

Sometimes the best moments can be found from the joy of others.

Today was one of those days.

Last year for Father’s Day I treated my husband and my Dad to a driving experience with Driveme. They both choose to drive the Audi R8. Now I know nothing about cars but it looked pretty awesome.

Alan took to the track first and from the look on his face he had an amazing time. He was followed by my dad who came off looking as if he wanted to go again.

Lets just say I may have started something with these gifts as both Dad and Alan signed up for their next experience.

Well at least thats fathers day covered for the next few years.

As for me I loved every moment of the event.

Watching the two men I care for most in the whole world have a great was time was amazing.

Both these guys mean the world to me so i’m so glad I got to watch them have fun.

IMG_0178 IMG_0181 IMG_0138IMG_0204

Making memories 

 

Bee – Happy

Seriously I have a happy buzz going on right now.

I’m not sure why as I’m still physically shattered and the bills still need to be paid.

Yet regardless of all this I am really happy.

My girls are doing well, my eldest passed her theory driving test and my youngest conquered her stage fright to sing and dance in a local theatre.

My middle one is getting great grades at school in her mock GCSE exams and even better seems to be really happy in herself.

My foster son is changing daily and is such a gift to have as part of our family.

Life is pretty good.

It’s so easy at times to look at the negatives of life.

Focus on the crappy bits and miss the beauty and joy all around us.

I know I am guilty of this at times.

But not this week.

I want to post something joyful and say life is good.

I’m getting to work with some great people and support some great charities.

I’m surrounded by family and friends that I cherish.

And we have sunshine.

What more could a girl ask for, well besides a cambridge satchel.

Life is good xxx

beehappy

I can see ya !!!

I’m a full time wearer of spectacles and while I am grateful for my sight I get so fed up of having to wear the same pair day in and day out. The price of glasses makes it impossible to allow me any real choice.

Well it used to!

A few months back I won a competition on twitter for a pair of spectacles from an online company called Specspost.

Now I had heard of online suppliers but with the prices the company was asking I really didn’t expect quality. Following the belief ” you get what you pay for”. 

But hey I had won the pair so nothing to lose. Right!!

Well a few days after I emailed them my prescription my prize pair came through the post.

To be honest I was really shocked at the quality of the specs.

They were strong, comfortable and super stylish and have now become one of my favourite pairs.

Well this was the start of my relationship with Specspost. I have now ordered two more pairs of specs to add to my collection.

So imagine my joy when I had an email telling me about the new range of sunglasses the site now had.

I am one of those people that suffer a lot with migraines so sunglasses are a must but obviously being as blind as bat as well the sunglasses obviously need to be prescription as well. Again this brings cost into the equation, money sucks right. 

Though again Specspost have come to my rescue with their fantastic and fashionable range of sunglasses for all tastes with their usual reasonable prices.

Now I know many are worried about buying something so personal as spectacles online. I mean we have to check that they would suit us and feel comfortable.

This is where I really think Specspost are awesome you choose a few pairs online, pay a deposit and get to trial the glasses at home. You then try them out, choose your pair or in my case pairs, post them back, pay your balance and then a few days later your specs are posted back out to you. It is really that simple.

Specspost take all the hassle away from you.

I personally loved the home trial it gave me a chance to really check if the glasses suited me. I got to ask opinions of my family as well as trying out different hairstyles wearing them. This is something I would never consider doing in a shop.

specspostfinish

I highly recommend Specspost they offer quality stylish glasses along with fantastic supportive customer service.

The glasses range from as little as £10. They also offer designer frames for really reasonable prices.

I have only one problem with Specspost I now have a slight glasses addiction forming but hey with their amazing prices it’s not that bad.

Seriously don’t just take my word for it order a few pairs to try at home.

I had so much fun choosing my new sunglasses.

IMG_0875 IMG_0877

* I received a pair of sunglasses for the purpose of this review. All my opinions are my own and I seriously love this company