Tomorrow

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. NIV Matthew 6.34

I think this should become my new mantra.

A statement that I repeat to myself over and over until my heart and head finally learn to understand and accept it.

Why do I allow myself to worry so much?

To worry about everything and for everyone.

I need to concentrate on the now.

This moment

Right now

The present

My mind is always worrying days, weeks in advance.

Tripping over negative thoughts.

Falling over my anxiety

I’m forgetting about this moment, about living this time.

Living for the moment, have I ever allowed myself the gift of this.

Have I ever been allowed this?

Always the organiser, always the planner.

Always the grown up, always the responsible one.

I want to view the world with a child like innocence.

To go with the flow

To leave tomorrow to itself

To leave next week, next month to its own devices.

To trust

To stand in faith.

My snow week

Wow, what a week, we’ve been snowed in, we have had autistic tantrums and teenage strops and somehow, I’m not sure how, I have managed to survive with my sanity intact.

Seriously who would have believed that fluffy white snow could bring a country to its knees?

I have to admit it’s made me cross, weather reporters have been harping on for years that our seasons were changing and we were going to see some extreme weather yet we were still unprepared. Isn’t it about time we chatted to our colder weather friends take Canada for example and got some tips on how to function in extreme snow. (Please note I use the word extreme rather loosely).

Snow is fun for the first few hours then it just becomes cold, wet and annoying. Also anything that closes the schools loses my votes.

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Talking of votes what a week, we have seen Celebrity Big Brother come to an end. What am I going to do each evening now, I need my Speidi fix. Though I do believe the right person won in the end, I hated Ryland in X factor but he has slowly grown on me from the big brother house. Also my youngest told me i looked like Claire from Steps but with black hair (i wish). To be honest I still cannot believe how addicted I found myself. I really think I need to get out more.

Its has been a strange week and I have found myself coming to a decision regarding how much I allow myself to be hurt by others. I have decided I need to take a step back and focus on my family and myself a little more.

I’ve also been at the doctors having an ECG done, it seems I do actually have a heart, now we have found it we simply need to get it to behave a little better. Its just wants to beat to its own drum upsetting the rest of my body. Dr is hoping its anxiety, me anxious never!

So there you go my exciting week, only been made easier by my new hobby BAKING, this week I have made a Vanilla and chocolate chip marble tray bake and a Victoria sponge and some Choc chip muffins oh and some custard too.

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I’m really enjoying my new hobby and love watching the family enjoy something I have baked. I confess to getting exciting looking at new mixers too and watching the Great British Bake Off. I did mention I may need to go out more.

Seriously it’s been a weird week, but as it comes to end I’m am grateful for so much, my hubby and my kids especially.

I hope and pray you all have had a good week and if not tomorrow is a new beginning, well that’s what I’m telling myself. Xxx

Threads of Grace – Booksneeze

I dived into this book with trepidation as I’m not one to read romantic fiction, I often find them wishy washy and simply for me boring but as the blurb had me interested I decided to step outside my normal type.

 

Yet Threads of Grace was so different, straight away I was caught up in the story. My heart was beating along with Grace’s. The writing of Kelly Long took me on a journey.

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I was surprised that this was a book about Amish people as really the culture wasn’t explored but I accept as this was one of a series and it may have been explored in earlier books in more detail.

The love story was not intense and in your face it was deep and so much more special. It was heroic and caring, my heart was warmed greatly.

Autism was mentioned in such a positive way that my heart was blessed. It was really lovely to read a positive rather than the usual negative. Grace didn’t just love her child she, Seth and others cherished him.

My only real complaint about this book was the fact I felt it had too many threads.

The sister, the widowed friend, the brother in law and his wife the miscarriage and of course the wicked then repentant uncle. It was hard to stay with the story at times.

Though to be honest if you are after a relaxing read to while away a pleasant afternoon this is a great book for that.

I may venture out of comfort zone more often now.

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My new love

It’s been a well known fact that I’m far from domesticated. I hate housework and cooking and I have never really been on good terms.

Well this was the case until late last year when my youngest decided she wanted to learn to bake.

So under the careful instruction of a dear friend we ventured out into the world of banana loaf.

To be honest I never expected the joy I felt when my husband and my kids loved the loaf that I had made. It was such a sense of achievement but to be honest I still didn’t really get this baking lark until the delivery of my new love.

The Panasonic microwave,grill & convection oven

Now I first fell in love with this oven last year at Brit mums the guys on the Panasonic stand did a fantastic job of convincing me of my need for one but unfortunately my bank balance didn’t stretch to what my husband considered another whim of mine. (Did I mention I hated cooking).

So when I became a Panasonic blogger I was secretly hoping that the combi/oven was going to be one of our products to review.

So as you can imagine when this box was delivered to my door in December I admit to being rather emotional.

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But like all things the idea of something and the actual thing can be quite different. My husband had remarked that I like the idea of being able to bake but the actual doing is another thing all together.

 

Well I’m proud to tell you he is so wrong.

 

The Panasonic combi/ oven is so easy to use that I am really loving baking and cooking.

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So far I have made more banana loaf, cooked my Christmas dinner in it, glazed gammon, apple and cinnamon muffins and of course the well loved Choc chip and double Choc chip muffins too and only this week I’ve made banana muffins and cheese and potato pie.

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Even my husband is a convert to the combi oven now after to quote him “the most perfect 6 jacket potatoes ever.”

The ease of use of this combi is amazing. It is seriously so simple, I mean I’ve used it !!!!

I cannot tell you how much fun I am having in the kitchen nowadays and how excited I am getting over new recipes. I’ve even brought recipe books.

It’s like I’ve been opened up to a new world.

So feel free you link me up to some recipes and check out the Panasonic site and marvel at the combi ovens seriously I love mine and they are well worth the investment as my main oven is now almost obsolete along with the gas it was using. Every penny counts.

 

I am a secret

Okay here goes, i confess I’m a secret Speidi fan. For the first time ever I have actually found myself addicted to Celebrity Big Brother ( oh the shame).

Now I know Speidi are the couple everyone loves to hate but I am so fascinated by them.

Maybe its because they are doing what I have secretly wanted to do.

Have you ever found yourself in a group not of your choosing and sat there really wanting to say “please go away”.

But you don’t either through professionalism or politeness, you have simply played nice.

I know I have and it has left me frustrated inside as I can not stand falseness but at times I think its becoming the normal.

I mean take facebook for example, how many have people that follow them on there, even comment on a post but if there were to see you in the street would walk on by.

Also lets be honest about human nature, we all have an element of competition in us. Desire to win, be the best. I personally believe Speidi are the only housemates being honest about their desire to win.

Of course in the real world behaviour like Speidi wouldn’t be acceptable but lets be honest CBB isnt the real world and “its just a game”.

Maybe you all think that I’ve finally lost the plot and maybe you are actually right but at times I just get so fed up of playing nice to the falseness of life.

I would love a little of Spencer’s audacity, the courage to say what I really feel. Life sometimes feels a little like CBB like its just a game.

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My One Word for 2013

Again it’s  time for me to think about one word I wish to be my focus for 2013.

Last year was easy I knew I had to step out in faith and trust.

In reflection I do wonder if I have achieved it, did I let people get close to me? Maybe not to the extend I hoped but I have made friendships that I treasure.

But for 2013 what is it that I want for myself, what word will define all my expectations and desires.

I’ve stumbled over this word the last week or so, praying, contemplating and praying some more.

You see it came easy to me and when something comes easy I am naturally suspicious.

But after all my prayers and my quiet times I do think that it is supposed to be my word.

So without further deviation my word for 2013 is simply STRONG 

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The end of 2012 has left me feeling weak both in body and spirit. I’m tired to my bones and the very edges of my soul.

I’m depending on my own strength at all times and not coping at all. What’s worse is that I know better, I can’t live this life on my own strength I need to live through the strength Jesus offers me.

But I’m a slow learner even now nearly four years of coming to faith I am still stumbling at the core values of my belief.

My head knows but somehow my heart keeps screwing up the message.

One of my favorite scriptures is

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”Philippians 4.13

 

Yet why don’t I turn to him?

 

Why don’t i trust in him?

 

So for 2013 my word is strong.

 

I need be strong in faith.

I want to live my faith in all that I do. My faith is more than just speaking its doing.

 

Strong in my identity

I need to learn to accept that it’s ok to be me with all my weird and wonderful eccentric bits.

 

Strong in my fight against the evil anxiety that has raised it’s wicked head again over the last few months.

 

Strong is accepting that I can not be everything to others and that allowing myself to be hurt doesn’t help myself or my family. Learning not to allow others to abuse my trust anymore.

 

Strong in accepting my health issues and working with them rather than against them.

 

Strong in my self worth,

 

I’m the first to put myself down, my own worst enemy. I need to stop this.

 

Strong in my ambition

I have to believe in my dreams, to believe in what I am capable of.

 

Strong in pushing myself forward.

I need to be  Strong 

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A big thank you to Melanie @ Only A Breath  for my beautiful One word image xx

 

Dive – Five minute friday

I wonder if i live in a permanent state of denial. Simply the refusal to accept.

 

I know that one day I will see my daughter again but the truth is i have another lifetime to live without her.

 

Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense, I want to line up the facts and some how, someway  find a reason for her loss.

 

But the equation has no value.

 

Rett syndrome doesn’t always mean death.

 

So sometimes I pretend

 

I dive into the world of make believe.

 

I imagine her at school, playing with her friends, ignoring the requests of her teachers.

 

I can picture her in detail even down to the remnants of her dinner of her blouse collar.

 

Her sweet smile lighting up the classroom, her teachers trying so hard to be stern but giving in to the mischievous grin she shows them.

 

Her hands, her smooth soft hands, clapping in eager anticipation.

 

Denial???

 

Creative ???

 

Imaginative ???

 

Survivalist ????

 

Whatever you call it for me that split second is my stairway to heaven.

 

My gateway to my daughter.

 

My dive into eternity.

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The Dark Knight Rises – Review

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If you are after a family film that will please both the adults and the teenagers look no further than Warner Bros, The Dark Knight Rises.

 

“Eight years after assuming the blame for D.A Harvey Dent’s death, a disgraced Batman (Christian Bale) mysteriously vanished. But everything changes with the appearance of a cunning cat burglar (Anne Hathaway) and the arrival of the Bane (Tom Hardy), a ruthless madman. Bane’s reign of terror forces Bruce out of his self-imposed exile and into the ultimate battle for Gotham City’s survival…. and his own.”

First off let me be honest and simply say I love Batman from nearly naming my first born after Nicole Kidman’s character Chase I have been a fan for over 16 years.

I love the complexity of his character and this was certainly shown in this film. The inner battle between his Bruce Wayne identity and his Batman role certainly gets the amateur psychologist in me excited.

This film is dark but only to quote my husband “if you look for the darkness”. For the teens it was just a fun super hero film.

Anne Hathaway is fantastic as the Cat burglar not really reprising the role of Cat woman but you kind off expect she could. I admit I preferred this character rather than the being bitten by cats previous one.

Christian Bale certainly plays the role of Batman well, I will go out on a personal whim and say one of the best yet, his darkness of character is pretty amazing.

Tom Hardy as Bale was a weird one for me. I admit to wanting to know more about the character and although the ending explains certain things i was left wanting.

Both Michael Caine and Gary Oldman really added to the quality of this film both playing really convincing roles. Michael Caine just gets better with age.

The special effects  of the film are just awesome and the new Batman machines are pretty great too, not to far fetched as to be unbelievable, Is that good thing???

All in all The Dark Knight Rises is a fantastic film and I’m certainly glad to have it in my collection.

 

* I was given a copy of this dvd for the purposes of this review from Warner Bros, but all opinions are my own.

Looking for beauty

The world is an amazing place full of wonder.

I promise that somewhere in your eyesight right now is a image of beauty.

Be it in your child’s smile. A photo on the mantle piece, a image on your computer screen or just look up to the amazing sky.

Beauty is all around us.

What I love about beauty is that it is interpreted so differently, individually and in so many ways.

For myself I often see beauty in places others don’t.

I can cry at a piece of music while my husband looks at me as if saying “what is this?”.

I love old things that are starting to fade, decay. I see memories wrapped up in them. While my husband sees old and wrecked.

Beauty is personal. We each have a different definition of beauty.

But I have decided that for 2013 I want to emerge myself in beauty.

I want to capture beauty with my camera.

I want to listen to beauty with my ears.

I want to taste beauty with exquisite food.

I want to see beauty in my children’s laughter.

To many times we focus on the ugly in life.

I want to feel beauty, focus on beauty, live beauty.

And I wish the same for you, let’s look around more and rise above the ugly and embrace the beauty of this amazing world.

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Desperate – Sarah Mae, Sally Clarkson – Booksneeze

When the blurb on the book starts with the words “I just cant be a mother today” I knew i needed to read this book and guess what, I was right.

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To be honest I have admired the writings of Sarah Mae for a while now, her story at times has been mine and so in her words i often find my heart. So I wasn’t surprised by how great this book is yet not knowing that much about Sally Clarkson i feel that i have been doubly blessed.

 

This is a book that allows you to be honest in a raw here I am way. Its written in a way that not only encourages you to be transparent but comforts you as you do so.

 

It isn’t a parenting to do book but a book that holds you in a way that restores your heart.

 

The first chapter of this book left me in tears, Sarah Mae’s words are so close to my heart that my restraint just fell away. She understands, she knows, she has lived and her honesty about it is so refreshing.

 

Sally Clarkson is the woman we all wish we had in our life, she doesn’t pretend to have all the answers but will love you as you find them. Her wisdom, her guidance is something I wish all new mothers and older mothers like myself wish they had given to them with their pre-natal vitamins.

 

I’ve raised four children and at one time had four under five and I’ve been there knee deep in nappies and baby-grows. I’ve also tried and failed to live the life of a perfect mother. This book shows us why, simply there is no such thing as a perfect mother, just a mom who is perfect right there as she is trying her best to raise her children in a home full of love and laughter.

 

Expectations are the words of the enemy when they cause us to grieve if we cannot reach them. The whisperings in your ears that you aren’t good enough is the voice of the enemy. Ignore them and read this book.

 

So many books have been written about parenting that after you have read them you are left feeling dismayed and not good enough.That method that should work doesn’t for your child.

 

This isn’t a fault not everything works for every child.

 

The simple truth is you know your child, your know what works in your life.

 

The videos that come alongside at the end of the chapters are such a welcome, as you get to see the respect between Sarah and Sally. To hear them remind you of the chapter and also reiterate that you are loved.

 

The exercises aren’t hard or hard work but really do help you focus and plan.

 

Desperate is a parenting book like no other, it is the best friend who calls you to remind you that you are doing an awesome job.

 

Its the wisdom that guides but not dictates.

 

Its a blessing

 

This is seriously a beautiful book, written by two beautiful people.

 

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