Time was something I never really thought about. It was just periods of space I filled with the endless tasks that life sets before us. Chores, meetings, relationships, I never really consider how I spent my time until I heard the words.
“Make the most of the time you have with her”.
Ever felt punched deep into your very soul. The feeling that your heart being physically torn from your chest. This was how I was feeling when someone had put a limit on time.
From the moment you realise you are carrying your child it becomes a countdown in time. You pray, dream and about holding your precious baby in your arms.
Then when that beautiful innocent is in your arms you dream of the life they will have, life seems endless before you.
Never do you think of the time you have left.
We should die before our children, that’s the normal, the right way of life. Yet here was a Dr us telling different, that the rules weren’t being played in this game called my life. He didn’t know how much we had left, couldn’t promise forever.
Right then and there I hated time.
It became oppressive, my enemy. Like sand in the hourglass time was slowly slipping through my hands.
I rolled those words over and over in my mind. “Make the most of the time you have”. I heard them but couldn’t accept them. If I ignored them then maybe they would go away.
Would accepting them mean I was giving up? Was I letting my daughter down by not fighting for the promise of longer?
It was so hard; I felt like I was drowning in my tears, my fear was choking my heart. Yet as I looked at my daughter all I saw was life.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”
― Maya Angelou
I had a decision to make, would I fight time and make it my enemy or would I embrace it as a friend.
I had to learn it’s not about how much time lost but how much we had.
Life changed from that day forward, as a family we began to see the gift of time. The precious moments shared in sweet hugs, the forever in deep belly chuckles. Memories were created each day, each a present to my soul.
The time left was five precious years. Each year, each day, every minute I give thanks for. Each moment is ingrained on my heart.
Time I learned was something we couldn’t control we just had to learn to embrace and live.
Time is a precious gift I will always be grateful for.
And until I get to hold my daughter in my arms again I will wait on time.
Thanks again to Josie over at Sleep is for the Weak for her writing workshop and her inspiration.