Let me introduce you to MOD Squad

Raising girls is far from easy; trying to raise them to be daughters of God is hard work.  I have been blessed by a wonderful community which has offered me support, guidance and also the realisation that I am not facing the life dramas alone.

You cannot measure the relief I receive when I read a post and think “oh thank goodness it’s not just mine”, I feel less alone in this journey called parenthood.

There are quite a few websites, forums where parenthood is discussed for me this is the best as the site states


The MOD Squad Blog exists to encourage and inspire moms to raise daughters with purity, character, and hearts for God.

We hope to do this through engaging posts that speak to your heart, by sharing resources we find to help you as a mom raising daughters, praying together for our girls, and connecting as a community.”

Where else can you be blessed with such wisdom and prayer?

Ok gushing over!!!

I thank God for leading me to MOD Squad and today I’m leading you there……. 

My blessings and my reasons for loving MOD Squad




Though she is in Jesus’ arms, she will be my daughter forever


I’m trying to be patient

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

Psalm 27:14

I keep reading this over and over. I want it to inspire me with faith and hope, but as the days turn into weeks I find hope slipping away like water into the soil after the rainfall. Unlike the water which is providing nutrients to the plants my hope is leaving me wanting, waning.

I sometimes find myself on my knees crying with frustration, I pray to God with questions, yet I know I shouldn’t. I know that’s he has plans for me.

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

Jeremiah 29:11

Yet I can’t see those plans cannot feel them in my hands.

I look back at the last two years since Livvy died when I had reached a point when I believed life couldn’t get any worse. Yet I have witnessed more grief more pain. I want to shout to the heavens, why me, why us.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, Because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

James 1:2-3

How I want to be this brave to see all my troubles as a tests of faith and to be strong enough to face them. Yet here I am weeping into my pillow with frustration. I am not brave. I am scared of the future. I feel lost and worried.

I find strength and gratitude in Grace, that even when I am feeling low and are angry at life I know that

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves it is the gift of God”

 Ephesians 2.8

Life isn’t going the way I wish it to, but I have to hold on. I have to wait patiently for the Lord.

It isn’t easy but I do know I’m not on my own.

My inspiration, my girls , my life

I finally hear you! Thank you.


When I realised that the question on Faith barista, faith jam was “How are you hearing God” I actually found myself upset. No fault of Bonnie’s just the constant knot in the bottom of my stomach that is getting bigger and bigger, you see I’m struggling to hear God.

In fact I was beginning to believe that he just didn’t wish to talk to me anymore. That was until yesterday when I published my post Escape. This post was written from where my heart is at this time, I was scared about posting it. I mean blogs should be all sweetness and light!  Yet it was on my heart to bare my soul.

I now understand that God was talking to me and I slowly began to hear him. It wasn’t in a glowing light with angels in pure white clothes. No it was in the comments that poured in from you all, the emails you send full of love and support. You made me feel less alone in this crazy world, that even the best of us have times of doubt, stress and confusion. I heard God in the stories you shared with me, in the scripture you quoted. I heard the beautiful angelic voice of our God in your love.

I can’t tell you how I began to feel as my inbox slowly began to fill with comments; it was like a heavenly message saying “Can you hear me now”?

A lot of the messages spoke about giving me time and this I believe is what I needed to hear. The last years have been about listening and protecting others, and yes while this is ok I need to protect my heart a little more. The enemy loves my aching heart. I also need to allow my heart to be open to others; it is not weakness to need a friend at times.

I cannot put into words my gratitude to all of you that commented, emailed, and twittered me yesterday. All I can say is thank you for allowing me to hear God in your words.

To top it off guess what song was the first one on my iPod after its shuffle?


Thank you Lord for breaking down my barriers and loving me enough to make me hear you!


Escape – The post I wasn’t going to post.

To be honest I wasn’t going to post this, then I began reading comments that people wish for honesty on blogs. So I decided that yes it should be posted. Life is far from easy for us all. If my honesty brings comfort to anyone then I’m happy.

This may sound terrible but some days I want to escape.

I am fed up of being mom, of being wife, daughter I just want to run and hide.

I’m not sure if I would actually recognise me anymore. Who I am? What I want, it’s been buried under the desires of others.

I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. You accept  that when you get married become a mother that your priories change. For the most I love the roles I play, yet sometimes enough is enough. I want to run and hide from everyone who knows me. To be a complete stranger to everyone, maybe in the anonymity I could find me again.

I get lost in the sounds, the teenage arguments, the endless questions requiring answers. The chores, the shopping. My mind being constantly on the go! The forever working of the brain.

I want to sit in the silence and just be. No thoughts to break the peace, no demands pressing on my time, just to be.

Maybe in this silence I can open my heart again to Jesus, to remind myself of the love he has for me. I’m sure the enemy loves the chaos of my mind; it is when I’m lost inside the endless that he adds doubt to my mind.

The girls wouldn’t be fighting if you were a better mother, your husband would be happier if you were a better wife. Money manager, cleaner, laundress, yes I hear him and slowly in the exhaustion I believe him.

I want to escape into the silence where the enemy can’t reach my inner sanity. Where I know that I’m not alone! Jesus will be there, a place where I can learn to believe in me again.

I am going to spend sometime in the search for myself because

Where is Sara, I miss her, x

God’s Beauty

How do you define beauty? Do you see in people’s faces? Nature perhaps or belongings, money? We all have different ideas of what is beautiful.

I find the setting of the sun stunning. The mix of colours in the sky as it washes over the land. My husband, bless him would say “oh yes darling” but the excitement wouldn’t reach his eyes. Yet show him a new sports car and his face would be alight.

I do wonder at times if we can understand the complete picture of God’s glory it feels beyond our imagination. The beauty in the world!  Maybe we have all become jaded at the grandeur that surrounds us. I’m not talking of the material things.

I look into my daughters faces, I see pure beauty. I love every freckle every dimple on their faces. I spend time just watching them sleep, how peaceful they are as they visit the land of dreams. How I wish to commit each image to my mind. They are growing up so quickly, changing every day, every moment.

Should I describe a man as beautiful? Yet as I gaze upon my husband I see beauty in his patience, as he listens to my moaning and compassion at my pain. I love the defensive voice in his tone when he feels his family are under attack. I adore the way he watches the clock when the girls are out with friends, not through mistrust just his inner desire to have them safe under his protection. I see God’s beauty in my husband’s love for us all.

So many times I find myself focussing on the ugly. The worries the stress, I completely overlook the beauty in my life.

The essence of my life is that I am truly blessed.

 I take so much for granted. I need to remove my blinkers and see what the wonder that is around me.

My challenge to myself and to you all is this, look closer at the beauty in your life and celebrate it.

God’s beauty surrounds us all.

Meet you there.

I have to share the way I was moved by the preaching at church this morning.

Our crazy youth preacher, the girls kindly call him this because the passion for Jesus explodes out of him in amazing fun ways that you can’t help smiling as he fills you with the word of God.

The message behind the service was simply Jesus will meet you there.

How many times do with hang our head in shame and feel as if we cannot come to God, we are not worthy, not good enough.

To be honest we will never be good enough, we are all sinful by birth. Nothing we do in life will bring us to heaven. Asking Jesus into our hearts is the promise of salvation.  We step out to Jesus he will meet us there.

Jesus met the fallen woman at the well, the criminal on the cross. Jesus will meet us where we are, we just have to ask him to.

I needed to hear these words today, to remind myself that if I wait until I am perfect I will never have a relationship with God. That it’s my disbelief in myself that is building the barriers. Jesus died on the cross so that my pathway to God was free and clear.

Wherever you are in life,  just ask Jesus and he will meet you there.

Acts 15:11

“No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we have been saved, just as they are”.


True Value

I have to confess that the last few months have been very hard financially. While emotionally we needed a break from fostering our bank balance didn’t agree. Yes it hasn’t been easy but if I dare to share something with you all. I have to admit at times it has been fun.

As a family we have learned what you can do that doesn’t actually cost that much money. We have spent time at the local nature reserve a beautiful gift just on our doorstep. Days just walking the dog and chatting together, I know as the girls are getting older and more independent it will be these days I will cherish dearly.

Food shopping has been eventful, meal planning, bargain hunting has been made into an adventure to help relieve my depression at times. This week I have actually emptied my freezer, the first time in forever. Some of the meals I have thrown together, honestly you would be surprised what when with what.

It hasn’t been easy, yet after everything we have been through as a family; the lack of money has made us slow down and just enjoy life. What does the song say “the best things in life are free”.

Did you know how long you can spend making shapes in the clouds with your nine-year old, how long your teenagers can talk when you ask them how they view the world. How a DVD and cuddle with your husband can be even better than sitting across from him in a restaurant.

 I won’t go as far too say I’m glad we have struggled this way, but I will say it has taught us all a lot. The last two years my family and I have had to face some hard and heart breaking times, but I am so proud to say we are stronger and united more than ever.

The time has come for us to resume fostering and I pray and hope that the next few years will go easier on us all.

 Whatever life throws at us, we are a family who know the true value of life.

The true value of my life

Whoops I’ve done it again!

I’m getting to like this. I am so lucky I have incredible friends who are incredible bloggers. They are also amazingly generous and willing to help me on my quest to raise awareness for the devastating condition which took my amazing daughter Livvy from me.

So please check out my new guest post on UrbanVox.net and help make October the best Rett Syndrome awareness month yet.

My guess post   I HATE IT AND ITS EVIL

THANK YOU  again Yuri @ Urbanvox.net for being so kind. It really does mean more than you know.

I’ve hijacked another blog.

I have been given the great opportunity to write a guest post on a blog that I have been following  for quite a while, this post is helping me in my quest to raise awareness for Rett  Syndrome a cause which you all know is dear to my heart. Hayley at Singlemummy.net has become a good friend and I’m so thankful for the blogging world for bringing us together.

At Singlemummy.net you will find besides my guest post (ha ha) a talent for writing and photography which I admire immensely and which jumps off the pages of her blog.

Please go visit Singlemummy.net and read my guest post and help me raise awareness for Rett Syndrome and the quest for the cure. Also while you are there please check out my wonderful friend’s work.

My guest post is HERE

The reason behind my fight for a cure for Rett Syndrome, in Livvy's memory

Outlive your Life – Max Lucado

Here we go my recent review for Booksneeze. I love that I get this chance to read and review books. What more could a girl ask for.

Max Lucado   – Out live your life

“These are devastating times 1.75 billion people are desperately poor; one billion are hungry. Lonely hearts indwell our neighbourhoods and attend our schools. In the midst of it all, here we stand you, me and our one –of-a-kind lives. We are given a choice…. an opportunity to make a big difference during a difficult time. What if we did? What if we rocked the world with hope? “

Max Lucado

I have to be perfectly honest and say it took me a while to get into the book. I loved the Father Benjamin Fable which reminded us that we live on in what we do. Yet I still struggled to get excited. I then realised that I hadn’t grasped what Max was trying to tell us.

Jesus’ early followers had a mission to spread the word of God by not just speaking but by doing. By asking for nothing yet giving so much.  Acts of kindness, acts of bravery and acts of faith.

I use the word acts here as it is the book of Acts that we can turn to for inspiration. Yes the world has its problems but I do believe we all are looking around and saying “what can I do?” in a defeated manner when in reality it should be “see what I have done?”

Max inspires us to outlive your life, to achieve things that are beyond yourself. Create things for others, love the unlovable. Just as Jesus did!

Max reminds us that some of life’s greatest achievers have been ordinary people who became extraordinary.

This book is an aspiring read that makes you examine your live and ask yourself some real questions about who you are?

It is time now for us all to start showing each other the compassion the love we ourselves receive from our Saviour.